Little Townhouse on the Prairie

I've Moved

2011-04-04T20:34:00.002-05:00

Yes, I am moving to Phoenix in just two short months. Gulp. But the blog has had a move of its own.

You can now visit me, my ramblings, and pictures of my really cute kids over at Ze Petite Mama.

Enjoy!

BabyBlog Names

2011-04-02T07:56:00.002-05:00

Picking out a baby name is probably more fun, but I need a new blog name. One lesson that I have learned over the last two months is that it is not necessarily smart to name your blog something (and have the web address be the same thing) that is location specific. Some of my friends have learned lately that naming your blog with the size of your family when you plan on growing that size is also not a great idea. We are all learning things up here.

So basically I need ideas of a new blog name that does not include our last name since I want to keep some small semblance of privacy. It would be easy to change it to Little Townhouse on the Desert, but then what happens if we move again. Do you see my dilemma?

There you have it. Give me some cute ideas that encompass the feel of my blog and writing style while remaining timeless at the same time. No problem, right?

Now get to work!

Squawking

2011-03-31T16:45:00.003-05:00

Savannah squawks a lot. A lot, a lot. It is her go to noise ever since she has reached the stage of understanding most of what we say but having little to no verbal language skills of her own. She refuses to learn baby sign. I know she could do it, but instead she squawks and since that noise is so annoying, I give her what she wants. I know, I know that is not going to teach her baby sign, but you have no idea how annoying her noise is. In fact, she is making it right now.

Most of the time she is fine when she is making this noise. She is either mad at Micah for taking something from her, frustrated that she can't reach something, or asking for more food. So yesterday when she was squawking up a storm behind me while I cooked dinner, I ignored her. I just knew that she was insisting that I pick her up, and since I was busy cutting raw chicken into pieces, that was not going to happen.

So she squawked and I cut. I kept saying, "Savannah, you're fine. You're fine," in a very soothing voice while I cut away. Once I was finally done I turned around to see what all the fuss was about and saw this . . .

Yes, that is one of our bottom cabinets. And yes, I did grab the camera (that was sitting right there on the counter) and snapped a picture before rescuing her. Maybe I shouldn't always ignore the squawking.

Two of a Kind

2011-03-29T19:14:00.003-05:00

Me (Erica) at about 13 months old. Check out that rockin' outfit. Do you think I could pull that off today? I don't think I have the body confidence that I did at that age. :-)

And Savannah at 13 months old.

A development that happened since this picture was taken: the shirt is no longer as she spilled red nail polish all over it. How did she get red nail polish on her? Well, I thought she wouldn't be able to get the cover off, so while I was getting dressed I let her play with it. She proved me wrong. I'm just glad her shirt took the brunt of it, and not our carpet!

Belated

2011-03-26T14:45:00.004-05:00

With all of our computer troubles I almost forgot that someone had a milestone birthday just . . . ummm . . . 43 days ago. So here she is in all her cake eating glory.

Gotta have some milk with that cake!

Yummy!

Savannah's cousin, Aubrey, came to visit and celebrate her birthday with her.

Opening presents. Seriously, she LOVES this book so if you are looking for a present for a one year old, I would recommend it.

And this has nothing to do with Savannah, but I just think this picture is so cute. They love each other so much. Melt my little heart.

That's The Book for Me

2011-03-24T16:10:00.003-05:00

Oh, and in case you can't tell, Micah is being a scary dinosaur in the beginning of this video.

Still Here

2011-03-16T09:08:00.002-05:00

I am still here, but between a nasty computer virus that disabled my computer for over a week and our cable modem dying and giving me very sporadic internet access I have not been online very much in the past two weeks. The computer is fixed and here's to hoping the cable modem is soon to follow.

In the meantime . . . (courtesy of Photography by Nealy)

Church Planting - Sunny San Diego to Sunny Phoenix

2011-03-06T09:10:00.001-06:00

Once the fog of Savannah's surgery and recovery began to lift, church planting returned to our radar screen. The assessment center was still the next step, but this time we would not be able to be so close to home. Hmmm, Brooklyn Park in August or San Diego in January. We may have gotten the better end of that deal. In fact the weather was not the only blessing of that week, because without the delay and having to go to San Diego we would not have met the Pedrozas and our involvement in Life180 would probably have never happened.

Now we are getting to a part of the story that is deeply personal and not really mine to tell. Let's just say that we got a lot of positive feedback at the assessment center, but heard some hard and painful things too. We left that week confused and discouraged about what God was doing and where he was leading.

Ben spent that next weekend alone a lot and praying. It felt like we had hit another bump in the road and we were so confused. We felt very strongly that this was what God was calling us to do, but nothing seemed to be working the way we thought it should.

Sometimes I wonder if God just shakes his head and smiles a little when we are in places like this knowing that he is about to reveal exactly where he wants us to be and we just can't see it yet. I can picture him saying, "Just you wait. This is all about to make sense."

We got home very late on a Thursday night from San Diego. Sunday evening after the kids went to bed, we were sitting and talking. One of the outcomes of the assessment center is that they all agreed that Ben would make an amazing "number two" in a church plant. That didn't really make a lot of sense to us since the model for church planting up here is not really a team approach.* What did being a number two mean when most church plants didn't even have a number two until more than a year into the process? That didn't really seem like getting to help plant the church to us. So as we were sitting there I said to Ben, "So if you could work with or for anyone that you met this past week, who would it be?" Now you have to understand that Ben is an internal processor. That means that he often takes time to think before he speaks, and does not make statements or decisions lightly. However, that night he instantly replied, "Dwayne." I was shocked at the speed of his response. We spent the next few moments talking about why he thought that. It was a fun conversation to have, but Dwayne lived all the way in Arizona, so it was really a hypothetical exercise at best.

A few days later, Ben met with our senior pastor, Jerry (who also went to the assessment center with us as one of the assessors), to talk about what the next steps might be, and to process that week. Ben left that meeting and went down to his office. A few minutes later Jerry called down to Ben's office. He had just gotten off the phone with Dwayne, who had called to seek permission to pursue Ben has his "number two" for the church he was planting in Arizona - Life180.

What!?!?

That's what you should be saying right now. That is certainly what we were saying at the time.

Obviously you already know how this story ends. Kind of kills my ability to build suspense.

After a week of prayer and lots of talking together, we both felt like this is what God had for us next. To move our family, try to figure out what to do with our house and its underwater mortgage, and uproot my career was a huge decision. But as we look back on the last two years, and how God has orchestrated our lives, we see this path clearly. The fact that I am excited about this even though I would be happy to never move again, is even more confirming.

There you have it; our journey to Life180. We ask for prayer during this time. As they told us over and over again at the assessment center, church planting is like being on the front lines of a spiritual battle, and the enemy will attack you on every side. Please pray for protection for our marriage, our family, and for the Pedrozas (Dwayne, Michelle, and their two kids). We have already seen God answer prayers and provide for us in so many ways since we took this leap of faith, but we would also appreciate continued prayer for all the details of moving down there, and raising our support.

Speaking of that, if you would like to support us financially as we follow God's leading you can click on the Life180 link on my sidebar and find information how to do so. One of the commitments we have taken on by being a part of this church plant is to raise support for the first three years of our ministry down there. The church will start to take over that responsibility as it grows, but for the time being we will be living solely off the support we can raise, which include health insurance. Gulp. But I believe that God provides when we are obedient to him, and that includes all the details like rent and health insurance.

Oh, and you can thank my client who didn't show up for her appointment on this Saturday morning for getting the rest of the story so quickly. And you should also thank me, because there is a new issue of People magazine sitting right next to me, and I am choosing to do this first. Believe me, it wasn't an easy choice.

*It turns out that although team church planting is not the model up in Minnesota, it is very much the model in Arizona and other southern states. What didn't make sense to us as far as being an associate or executive pastor of a church plant made perfect sense to the people assessing us.

Church Planting - The Assessment Center That Wasn't

2011-03-04T19:12:00.004-06:00

So I was reminded by two separate people in the past 24 hours that I have not moved our church planting story any further along on the blog. There are some things that I blog about that completely overwhelm me when I think of trying to put them into words. This is one of them. So although I would like to, I can't completely blame the delay on the fact that our lives have entered a season of insane craziness.

So here goes the story . . .

When we last left off are heroes Ben and Erica, oops wrong kind of story. You're not three years old, are you? I tell a lot of these kind of stories at this stage in my life.

Let's try again.

When we last left off I said that our wheels were spinning a little bit in the church planting arena. As Ben was networking with some church leaders in the Twin Cities who are big into church planting, it became apparent that one of the next steps we needed to take was to attend the Converge (this is what the Baptist General Conference is now called) Church Planting Assessment Center.

It could take an entire blog post to define exactly what the assessment center is, but here is my attempt to do it briefly. Prior to attending you complete an application that asks very personal questions about many areas of your life. You also complete three personality tests online and the results are sent to the assessors. At the assessment center, you join other couples who are being assessed for four intense days of being assessed. Man, I don't know how else to put it. Ben had to give a presentation on his philosophy of ministry and a mini-sermon. We both had to show that we can effectively share the gospel. There are team exercises where you are split up as a couple and put with other candidates and ask to do a church planting case study. There is a psychological interview. There is a huge team project at the end where you are with your spouse and the other couples on your team and you have to create a viable plan to plant a church in an area of the country which is assigned to you, and then show how that church will plant 10 more churches in 10 years. You have about 16 hours to finish that project, some of which are the hours that you are supposed to be sleeping. Also once you get together as a team, they start pulling you for your couple interviews so your team is never fully together again until you do your presentation. Oh and while all these things are going on there are assessors ringing the room assessing away.

See? That was a super long paragraph and I just hit the high points. So following the direction of those around us we registered for the assessment center happening in Brooklyn Park (yes, so close to home) at the end of August. We took all our pre-tests, arranged for my parents to take time off to come and stay with Micah and Savannah, and just waited to start this next step. Then the beginning of August happened and we had the fateful conversation with Savannah's cardiologist telling us that she needed surgery. Oh yeah, and she needed that surgery just a few days before we were supposed to go to the assessment center. Everything came to a screeching halt. My parents still came up, but this time it was to support us, be with Savannah, and help care for Micah.

The next few months were spent 100% focused on providing for Savannah's and Micah's needs, and taking the time for us to recover from almost losing Savannah as well. We all had a lot of recovering to do.

Next time how we ended up getting to spend a week in sunny San Diego in January.

PS - I don't have time to read this through so there are probably errors. I guess you can chose a flawed chapter in the story, or no story at all. Sorry those are your choices. (I say that last statement a lot during the day too.)

Sneak Peak

2011-03-02T21:24:00.001-06:00

Last week my friend Nealy took some one year pictures of Savannah and three year pictures of Micah. We haven't seen the finished products yet, but if you want a little sneak peak check out her website here or click on the link in my side bar.

Success!

2011-03-01T20:28:00.003-06:00

I have been waiting for one year and three weeks to be able to get a pony tail on top of this girl's head. Success at last!

Is it bad if she cries and tries to get away, and generally acts like it hurts her while I am putting it in? I was tempted to tell her that as a girl you have to be willing to suffer for beauty, but then I just felt bad and didn't replace it when she finally ripped it out. Someday . . .

Church Planting - The Prologue to Life180

2011-02-22T21:03:00.005-06:00

Many of you have asked what led us to the point of doing a true 180 in our lives and moving to Phoenix. It has seemed like a sudden decision to a lot of people, and it some ways this did happen really quickly. In other ways, however, this life change has been in the making for the past two years.

Really Ben should be the one writing this story since it is mostly his, but one thing about being a pastor's wife (actually I've never been another kind, so maybe it is the same) is that my story is inextricably interwoven with his.

So two years ago Ben and I were sitting on a beach in Maui (ahhh, warm memories) and Ben nervously told me he wanted to tell me something. You would have thought he was going to propose or something, and in a way he was. He gave what I assumed was a slightly prepared statement, and ended with, "I think God is calling me to plant a church." Now you have to understand that we had had many conversations over the years of our marriage about how we would NEVER do that. He had no interest in it. I had no interest in the struggle that comes with church planting. My response to his statement? Of course. I absolutely think that is what you should do. And I meant it. From that moment forward I knew that this was the path that God was laying out for us.

But as the Bible says God's ways are not our ways, and the waiting began. Ben started pursuing what church planting might look like for him, and we had occasional conversations about what that church might look like someday. The words missional (being outreach oriented), social justice, and relevant gospel message were often heard floating around our house.

However, we seemed to hit road block after road block. Ben had the support of his senior pastor who was himself a former church planter, and that was invaluable. But as time passed we started to wonder if we had heard the call correctly. We knew it was going to happen but when would it be?

Stay tuned next week for the rest of the story.

And because a post is not as great as it can be without some cuteness . . .

Peek

a boo!

Phoenix

2011-02-19T10:10:00.003-06:00

–noun

(sometimes initial capital letter)

a mythical bird of great beauty fabled to live 500 or 600 years

in the Arabian wilderness, to burn itself on a funeral pyre,

and to rise from its ashes in the freshness of youth

and live through another cycle of years:

often an emblem of immortality or of reborn idealism or hope.

-proper noun

(capitalized)

a city in Arizona

-a super personal to us proper noun

(capitalized)

where we are moving there in June

WHAT?!?

That's right. This summer we will be moving from our Little Townhouse on the Prairie to what will most likely be a Little Townhouse (or apartment) on the Desert.

The story is long and I will tell it over a few different blog posts, but I want to share the main points today.

We are moving to Phoenix to start an adventure that is scary and super exciting at the same time. God's will often is, isn't it?

Ben has taken a position to be the Executive Pastor of a church plant in the north suburbs of Phoenix called Life180. How we got to this point will need to come another day, but we are so excited to be able to be a part of what God is doing and is going to do through this new church in Phoenix.

If you have any questions, ask away in the comment section here, which I will attempt to answer in my next post which will explain more of our journey and the story of Life180. Meanwhile if you would like to check out the church you can look on my sidebar. I added it to my worthy causes because it truly fits in that category.

We are sad to leave our friends and church family here (as well as being within driving distance of my family), but we are excited for this chance to step out in faith and be obedient to God's leading.

Oh yeah, and winters in the 70's won't be so bad either.

This Is How We Roll, Yo!

2011-02-16T20:25:00.001-06:00

The View From Here

2011-02-15T20:57:00.000-06:00

Great at standing. Still a little too scared to take a step without having a firm grip on something.

What a boy. Obsessed with playing the Wii.

This is by far the most common view from here.

Valentine's Day and Knockers

2011-02-14T17:16:00.005-06:00

Micah is a very creative, very intelligent little boy. (And I am not biased in any way.)

I'm not sure if I have mentioned this, but Micah has fallen in love with the Wii that Ben got for Christmas. In fact, Micah plays more than anyone else in our house. Actually with how cold and snowy it has been, it is a lifesaver. Micah is SUPER active while playing it and it helps burn off extra energy.

So Micah spends some time each day playing all sorts of sports. I have noticed when I say it is time to stop for the day he will often make up games he can play without the Wii being on that mimic the games he gets to play on there.

Today was certainly an interesting one. A simple game of basketball with his toddler sized basketball hoop soon became a game he named, "Knockers." He turned the hoop around, and would throw the little basketball as hard as he could at the back of it. If he successfully knocked it over, he would yell, "KNOCKERS!" at the top of his lungs.

It was a cute game to be sure, especially once I had removed Savannah from the danger zone, but knockers? I decided that him walking around telling people that we play a game at home called knockers was not such a good idea. I tried to rename the game, but apparently he decided that nothing had quite the ring to it as knockers did.

So Happy Valentine's Day. Spend time with those you love, and go and play some knockers. Or you know . . . don't.

One! Uno! Eins!

2011-02-11T06:00:00.000-06:00

You are a gift from God.

You are a goof ball.

You are a cutie-patootie.

You are a miracle.

You are a Daddy's girl.

You are a little sister with a big brother who is crazy for you.

You are our wonderful child.

We love you, Savannah and are so thankful that you are

here and healthy on your one year birthday.

You know, besides the nasty cold you have.

Photo credit of owl at the top of the page here.

I Am That Mom

2011-02-09T20:36:00.003-06:00

Tuesday morning I awoke with the thought, "I didn't get candy for Micah's class!"

You see last week Micah brought home a slip from his "school" about the Valentine's Party they were going to be having. They were encouraged to bring a Valentine for everyone in the class and attached was an approved list of candy/snacks. That very day we went to Target and I let Micah pick out his Valentine's.

I completely forgot about the candy.

The next day I convinced myself that he didn't really need to bring candy.

But the morning of the party I was struck with the thought that Micah might be the only one not bringing something. I didn't want him to feel bad. Would a three year old notice that?

So that morning I rushed, rushed, rushed us out the door so that we would have time to run to Cub in -8 degree air temperature with a much colder wind chill before I had to drop him off at 9:30.

We hurried into the store, grabbed a bag of suckers, and raced through the insanely cold air back to the van. I got them loaded in, got myself in, and started stuffing suckers into the already folded and sealed Valentines.

Suddenly I was struck with the thought, "Oh my goodness! I am THAT mom!" I am the mom who realizes it is her child's turn to bring treats/snacks to school the morning that they are due. I am the mom who will probably have to drop my child off at actual school someday and then run to the store to get the supplies for a project that we were supposed to bring.

I am that mom.

This realization didn't really strike me in a bad way. It didn't surprise me either. In fact, it struck me with an amused little smile that acknowledged that I totally AM that mom.

I got Micah to school on time, presented the Valentines to his teacher, and learned that the party is next week.

Yes, I am that mom too.

Somebody Get Me A Time Machine!

2011-02-04T07:15:00.000-06:00

I have hesitated to write this post, because I really don't want to be mocked or ridiculed, but I just have to put this out there and see what people think.

I am considering (early stages) doing two things that are really a blast from the past. One to me and one to my house. Ben is unaware of either of these little thought trains in my head, so we'll see how much he reads this blog based on whether or not this comes up.

The first is I am considering getting a perm. I know. I know. Perms are getting into '80's/'90's territory and I haven't had a perm since the 5th grade. But (and this is what I am telling myself) perms are not what they used to be. I am not thinking of going spiral or anything, but I would like a really lose wave. Something like this

Photo credit

Not like this

Photo credit

The second thing involves my house. Wallpaper. Now I know that plenty of people still use wallpaper, but not really people that I know. I'm not thinking some traditional floral pattern or a border of roosters in my kitchen (sorry if you like that thing). I am thinking something really cool from the collections you can get now that basically go up and down like contact paper (no mess, no fuss) in our stairwell on the crazy 20 foot tall wall we have. I just think it would be kind of fun, a little unexpected, and could liven the space up. Something a little like this

Photo credit

Although I just discovered that this is discontinued. Boo. But there have to be similar items out there. Now that this bee has entered my bonnet, I can't seem to let it go. Every time I go up and down the stairs (which is quite often), I picture it and give a little sigh. I'm not really sure how one hangs wallpaper on a 20 foot high wall, but those details are better left to others. I'm more of a big picture gal, after all.

So what do you think? Am I crazy?

Resolute: February

2011-02-02T07:15:00.000-06:00

You know that nifty image that I used in my first post about my monthly resolutions? Well, for whatever reason I can't figure out what program I created that in and so I can't edit it. I'm sure I could figure it out eventually, but I also don't want to spend a lot of time on it. Just picture it here in all its teal and hot pink glory.

So if you remember, my goal in January was to create a short list each night of things I wanted to accomplish the next day. I would say that I ended up doing that about 50% of the time. I did find it very helpful, and I am going to keep doing it when I know there is a lot to do.

Now on to February. My goal for this month is actually almost already done, but I will need to show some follow through to be able to count it as successful. I am a really horrible menu planner. I have absolutely no creativity, and I don't especially like to cook. Therefore, we end up eating out at places like Chipotle more than we should for our budget and our waist lines. So I decided for the month of February to just bite the bullet and plan the entire month out at once. I already did that, and it made grocery shopping yesterday so much easier, because I didn't have to menu plan as well as make a list. I'll let you know how it goes at the end of the month. This one might be a keeper!

Who's The Boss?

2011-01-31T16:06:00.002-06:00

Overheard in our garage this morning:

Me: Micah, come and get in your carseat.

Micah: I just need to do a little shoveling first. (The sounds of the shovel being dragged out meet my ears)

Me: No, Micah. It is time to get in the car.

Micah: No, I just need to do a little shoveling! (More scrapping from the shovel.)

Me: Walking over to forcibly put him in the van - Micah, no means stop what you are doing.

Micah: But I need to shovel!!!

Me: I understand that you really want to shovel (as I am buckling him in), but Mommy is the boss, so when I say no that means you have to listen.

Micah: Well, if your the boss, then I'm the garbage truck.

We agreed that would be a good compromise. I'm the boss. Micah is the garbage truck. And don't you forget it!

Micah creating his own diluted juice right in his mouth.

How Fun is This!

2011-01-21T20:22:00.002-06:00

As I sit here on a Friday night waiting for Micah to (finally) fall asleep, I wanted to share a website with all of you that I found tonight that stole my heart.

I was on the website Young House Love, and while I was perusing their ads (you know you are in step with a website's subject matter when their ads are right up your ally as well) I happened upon the site House8810. They don't have a huge amount of product, but it looks to be cute, retro, vintage-like stuff for your house. I have picked a few of my favorite items. All images come from the site.

This (giant) image (sorry about that) is a booster seat! Very cute.

This one is for my friend, Beth, who was able to recently realize the wonder of putting pigtails in her daughter's hair.

This might be a good gift for a guy in your life. It is a pizza cutter. Cute, huh? Oops, I mean handsome and manly, huh?

And this would be a little gifty gift for me. I love crocheted pot holders. If I could learn how to crochet, these would probably not be that hard to make actually.

Last one. This would go well with my January 2011 resolution to write a list of things to accomplish the next day each night. Obviously you can write it on any old scrap of paper, but pads like this are really fun. I had a menu planning one last year, and I did a lot better job at menu planning when I had a fancy little pad of paper on which to do it.

So there you have it. Your eye-candy of the day. Do you have any cute, gifty websites or stores that you love? I would love to hear about them.

Birthdays on the Brain

2011-01-20T19:21:00.005-06:00

Savannah's one year birthday is in just a few short weeks. I can't even believe it! I was looking at her yesterday and thought, "How can you be almost one!?! Weren't you just born a couple of months ago?!"

In fact I was convinced that she looked nothing like a one year old. I remember when Micah turned one thinking that he looked so old. Perspective is a funny thing like that. I ran upstairs and looked at pictures of Micah when he was one, and Savannah looks about the same age. When he was the only one, I was so struck by how big my baby was at his one year birthday. With Savannah though I always think how little she is, because I've got Micah stomping around impressing me with his massive vocabulary and grown up thoughts.

For the past month I have been going back and forth about what to do about Savannah's birthday. With Micah we had a big party and invited a lot of our friends. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I have had it in my head that since I did that for Micah I have to do it for Savannah . . . but I just don't want to. Then I feel bad for not wanting to. It just feels like she is not going to know the difference, and a party seems like a lot of unnecessary work. On the other hand I feel like we have so much to celebrate. I remember in August wondering if she would make it to her first birthday. In a lot of ways this birthday is really special to me. But on the other, other hand a celebration with just us could be really special.

So that's where I am at. I don't think I am going to do a big party. My parents are coming up and then Ben's parents will be here two weeks later, so I think we will have two little parties.

Now gifts. As I started thinking about what to get Savannah for her birthday (so close after Christmas where she just got a ton of presents), I wanted to spend money on something meaningful. If you all remember, when Savannah was in the hospital getting her surgery I asked people who were praying for her to write her little notes. Last night I took the pictures from that time and combined them with the notes, prayers, encouragement, and my facebook status updates from those 10 days into a photo book. I am so excited for it to come. It is so much better than another doll, or another dress that she will only wear twice because she has an insane amount of clothes. I hope this book will be a testimony to her of everyone who was lifting her up in prayer during that time, and God's incredible faithfulness.

What is this picture from you ask? I guess you'll have to wait until next week to find out. I will give you a hint though. Micah wore this same outfit once, but his ribbons were blue. Don't believe me? Well, here is proof.

Micah says, "Who put me in this dress?!"

(2 months old)

Christmas Monkey

2011-01-19T07:15:00.001-06:00

This year our family Christmas celebration took place on the spur of the moment. I had been working all day when suddenly I realized that it was going to be our last chance to open presents as a family before we started all the holiday travel. Considering I had purchased some of Micah's gifts with the intent of taking up large amounts of airplane and car time, I needed those presents opened!

I came home from work, flew upstairs, hastily wrapped the presents with lovely silver wrapping paper and blue painters tape (kids don't care), and we celebrated Christmas.

Ben telling Micah and Savannah the Christmas story. Wow, Savannah looks really excited!

I love this picture. The expression on his face was priceless.

Savannah being not so much into the purple baby sock monkey.

Micah helped Savannah unwrap her presents. This one has actually been a big hit. It is the Little Tikes Discover Sounds Kitchen. You can see it below. It is just her size and makes all sorts of noise. Actually Micah likes it a lot too, so bonus.

And here is Micah having fun with his educational toy, and his static-hair.

Now for the answer to the important question of this post. Where in the heck did the title "Christmas Monkey" come from?

I don't like my blog post titles to be boring. Monkeys are definitely not boring. But the answer is really a little deeper than that. Over the past holiday season I have watched A Very Monkey Christmas starring Curious George many, many (many) times. At the end of it there is a wonderful musical number that is so great it just stays with you for days and days. (please note sarcasm) But seriously this song has so invaded my soul that I can't even think of the word Christmas without the word monkey following it and the song instantly playing through my head. Because I love you all so, I want to share my Christmas joy with you.

I wanted to share my Christmas joy in a really tangible way, but apparently there is no video of this wonderful song in the internet anywhere (that you don't have to pay for). I might want you all to experience it, but not enough to pay for it. Sigh.

Sanitation

2011-01-17T08:53:00.003-06:00

Just in case you are not happy with your current Sanitation Department, Micah wants to announce that he finally has a big enough fleet to launch Micah's Trash Removal, LLC.

He even has his first employee. He looks like a hard worker, right? We are so excited!

Psst - don't tell Micah but since this picture was taken, one of those garbage trucks has retired to Goodwill.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, How Late is this Blog Post

2011-01-14T07:15:00.001-06:00

Over the next few weeks you will see photographic proof that the month of December and part of January really did happen for our family.

Someone had asked to see pictures of our little Christmas tree this year. As you may recall I do not put up big trees when a mobile baby who doesn't understand the word "no" lives in our house, so we went mini this year. I actually liked it better. It took up less floor space and I only used the ornaments that I really liked. That means no generic balls on this Christmas tree!

While I can admire Christmas trees that have a color or subject theme, that is not my style. I love that the ornaments on our tree remind me of things. I love that they tell the story of our lives. In fact, from the start of our marriage Ben and I decided that the only souvenirs we would buy on the trips we take is a Christmas ornament. Now every year when we decorate our tree we are reminded of fun times we have had. (Side note: I didn't know how to spell souvenir, so I gave it a try trusting spell check to give me the correct spelling. Spell check suggested "scurviness" as an option. I guess I was WAY off.)

So here is our Christmas tree with some examples of the ornaments that mean so much to us.

The fun part of having that mirror on the wall right there is that I could decorate the entire tree and see all the ornaments.

This ball is from my Great Grandma. My mom, sister, and I all got one when she passed away. It means a lot to me, and it is very carefully packed away each year.

Ben's Aunt and Uncle, who live in Alaska, sent us these mukluks for Micah when he was born. It always makes me think of them.

We bought this ferry boat on our honeymoon, which was obviously in Washington.

And this one is super special because Micah made it this year. I still have Christmas ornaments that I made when I was a kid, and I am excited to start collecting these from Micah and Savannah too.

Merry Christmas!

11 Months

2011-01-12T20:21:00.003-06:00

On Tuesday of this week Savannah turned 11 months old. Do you know what that means? That means only one more month of buying formula!!! That is how I celebrate monthly birthdays that first year.

I really wanted to get a good picture of Savannah to show you what she looks like as an eleven month old. The problem is that she is a mobile eleven month old and taking a good picture turned out to be very difficult. I think I got a couple though.

At eleven months old Savannah is a cutie-patootie. She love to laugh and cuddle. She likes to play with Micah and returns to him over and over again no matter how much he hurts her (mostly unintentionally).

She loves music and wants to dance all the time. Sometimes I even see her waving her hand like a conductor. She says "Hi" obsessively, plays peek-a-boo, and likes it when Micah crawls around with her. She really likes table food, but only if Ben or I are holding her and feeding her off of our plates. She might have the very same food on her high chair tray, but that is not good enough for this girl.

She has started to practice standing while letting go of things, although obviously Micah's bed was not a stable enough surface on which to do that. She cruises around furniture and crawls even faster.

She is so easy to soothe and loves, loves, loves to give wet, open mouthed kisses.

Oh, and this is not an uncommon sight in our house.

Happy 11 month birthday, Savannah!

An Expert in the Field

2011-01-11T22:40:00.003-06:00

I just finished watching the movie The Social Network. It was good, but I do have a potential problem with it. I know it is a fictionalized account of a true story. I know that creative license may have been taken with how individuals were presented in the film. I know this because of the massive amounts of media coverage devoted to this very subject around the time the movie was released.

The problem is that now that I have seen it, I am going to assume that it is the honest to goodness truth about Mark Zuckerberg and the creation of Facebook. Even with the knowledge in my brain that it is not the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I am going to operate subconsciously like it is the truth.

This is just the way my brain works. I have many other examples. I will find myself making statements to others about how an institution in our country, or even other countries for that matter work that all sound very legitimate. However, usually my source for this information is a popular TV show. I can't seem to help it. Those shows, movies, and books infiltrate my brain and then my brain takes that knowledge and stores it as fact.

I think we all probably do this. (I hope we all do this, because if I am the only one . . . )

So if you ever have any questions about anything important, I am quite knowledgeable about the criminal justice system (especially in New York City), how the CIA and the FBI work, how high school Glee clubs really operate (that show is really true to life, right?), and medical information related to multiple departments in hospitals.

Oh, and don't forget I also know all about how Facebook was founded.

Cabin Fever Can Be Expensive

2011-01-07T13:16:00.002-06:00

Over the past month have been obsessed with things that I want to change in our house; rooms I want to repaint, back splashes I want to install, and pictures I want to move around on the walls. I spend a lot of time and energy thinking about it. Now for me there is a fine line between dreaming about what I could do and using that as a creative outlet, and not being content with what I have. I usually know when I have crossed that line when I feel like I NEED all those things done right now. I have to confess, I am close to the line.

So in an attempt to gain a little self-awareness I spent some time (okay, the car ride home from MOPS) thinking about why I was spending so much time on this. I believe I had a break through. It occurred to me that I get this way every winter. Do you know why? Can you guess? Yep, it is because I am inside my house all. day. long. every. day. The more time I spend inside my house, the more I get bored with how it looks. The bored I get, the more obsessed I get about changing things.

Fine, fine also more the more I invest time into thinking about it and researching what I could do, the worse it gets. I can't lay all the blame at winter's doorstep.

A lot of the things would be pretty inexpensive and doable, but time and energy becomes a factor. For some reason I don't think that Micah and Savannah will just sit quietly and watch me repaint our downstairs. Do you think they would?

I am going to be working on some attitude adjustment around here (besides Micah's, you know), and work on a plan of what I would actual like to do, what it would cost, and how much time it would take. Sometimes a little reality inserted into a situation can help.

Do you get bored with your house? Do you have frugal ideas on how to change things up? Does anyone really know how to decorate the area above your kitchen cabinets in a way that looks good?!?

Resolute

2011-01-03T15:16:00.003-06:00

Every year I resolutely do not make any resolutions. I really like the idea of resolutions, but find that they rarely if ever come to fruition in my life.

This year, however, I was feeling the desire to resolve to do something. I thought about writing a post about resolutions I would make for Ben is he would allow it (as a joke of course, because I wouldn't change a thing about him), but then he said he was allowed to make a list for me, and I didn't think it would be good for our marriage for me to see that list. Do you remember what happened to Ross and Rachael when he made the list about her? Yeah, that didn't end well.

I didn't want to set myself up for failure, but I didn't want to not try at all. So this year I am trying something a little different. I am going to make month long resolutions. I can do anything for a month, right? Then if I want to continue whatever my resolution is, then so be it. If not, that's okay too. I also gave myself permission to not decide the next month's resolution until the last week of the current month. Who knows what I will want to work on and how God will lead or prompt?

So once a month you will get a glimpse into my new resolve to have resolutions. I will also give you updates to let you know how it is going.

Without further ado . . .

It is really easy for me to get overwhelmed thinking of everything that I have to do. My normal reaction when I get overwhelmed is to shut down and do nothing. (Really productive, I know.) So I resolve in January to take 5 minutes every night and write a list of 3-5 things I want to accomplish the next day. I am hoping this will give me some direction and guidance as I start the next day and will lead to an ability to be more productive.

What are your New Year's resolutions? If you would like to join me in the month to month ones feel free, and good luck!

I used the image for the 2011 from this site, and added the January myself. I will use this image every month.

Mac is Back

2011-01-02T15:52:00.002-06:00

I don't know if you watched Macgyver when you were a kid (or adult depending on how old you are), but I did. It was a big hit at our house. Well this Christmas my Mom bought my Dad ALL the seasons for Macgyver. Yes, that is right. ALL OF THEM.

We were with my parents to celebrate Christmas over New Year's Eve, and the four of us spent some time ringing in the new year with Macgyver. I have to tell you that it is just as good all these years later. The clothes, hair, and technology may be out of date, but it was just as fun watching them as I remember.

Do you have a Netflix account or something comparable? Did you enjoy a little Macgyver in your day? Check it out. I don't think you will be disappointed.

Every season has a tag line. Check this one out. I think it pretty much says it all.

Side note for all you female readers out there: Mullet or no mullet, Macgyver had it going on. Probably still does.

Home Sweet Home

2011-01-01T20:36:00.002-06:00

We just got home this evening after 10 days out of town. Sure seven days into those ten days we were home for about 14 hours, but that involved sleeping and getting dressed/feeding kiddos, etc.

We had so much fun visiting family, but it is nice to be home. Ben and I made a list of things to do tonight on our way home from Wisconsin. It involved going to the gym for both of us (a 28 hour non-stop workout should start to mend some of the damage I have done over the past 10 days), laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the house, setting up the vaporizers in the bedrooms ("Minnesota may be cold, but it is a dry cold." Oh wait, that makes it worse.), and other things that I can't remember at the moment.

We are working on it. I've already been to the gym; Ben is there now; and laundry is washing/drying away upstairs. Do you know what was not on the list? Blogging. Oops, better go.

I Never Expected This

2010-12-28T23:49:00.003-06:00

I have for the most part assumed that I would want/have two kids. I grew up in a family of two kids, and liked that. I never wanted my first child to be an only child, but I also knew my limits. Some people are built to parent big families. Others do it because through circumstances they have to parent big families. I just knew that as much as I could control it, two kids worked the best for who I am as a person and as a mom. I like the even playing field that Ben and I have right now, and have no great desire to be outnumbered by my kids.

After having Savannah I knew that I was done.

I still know that I am done.

But . . .

what I was not prepared for was the grief I have felt about being done.

I am not a baby person at heart. I enjoy my babies, but a little bit of me wishes the first year of their life away. I am able to keep perspective on how that time will go so quickly, but I also love watching them grow. I have never once missed Micah being a baby. I have never once missed Micah being a small toddler. I love Micah as a three year old (but let me tell you that three has come alone and walloped me on the head. Everyone said that three was really harder than two. It has only been a few weeks, but even the month before he turned three things started to change. I can't put my finger on what is going on with him, but he is a doozy right now. Enough about that, this post is about babies.)

That is why I have been blindsided by moments of intense sadness at the thought of never being pregnant again (ridiculous because I don't really like it), never giving birth again (even more ridiculous because I do it with no drugs and it hurts), and never having a baby again.

As I search my heart, it doesn't seem to me that all these feelings mean that I want to have more kids. Instead it seems like a normal, emotional shift through a developmental stage. I am slowly moving out of the baby having stage into the being done baby having stage.

Any developmental shift is hard (just ask my new three year old), but I was not prepared for this. In fact, I don't think that anyone ever talks about this. Other moms who I have recently spoken about this with who are done having kids said that they have had those feelings too.

As difficult as having a baby is there is something so precious about feeling them move inside of you. As difficult as labor is there is something so, so precious about the first time your baby is laid on your chest. I will miss that. I will miss the parts of the first week when you are just resting and feeding/holding your baby. I will miss those things because the difficult memories fade, and the sweet ones remain.

My friend Nealy just had her second baby tonight. When I read on facebook that little Clara was born, I teared up knowing the flood of emotions that Nealy is experiencing right now. All the love through all the happy exhaustion. Those days in the hospital when it is you and your new baby, and you can eat lots of chocolate cake because you just burned a million calories giving birth. (The hospital where both Nealy and I have had our babies has AMAZING chocolate cake.)

So I will continue to recognize these feelings as normal, and will continue to allow myself to feel them without feeling like that means my decision about the size of our family is wrong. I feel that it is right, and I feel sad about it too. I guess even non-baby people are baby lovers at heart.

Photo credit

My Christmas Gift to You

2010-12-25T01:17:00.003-06:00

Out here on the west coast, there are only 43 more minutes until it is officially Christmas. Those of you in snowy Minnesota . . . MERRY CHRISTMAS already.

We were able to go to the Christmas Eve service tonight at the church that Ben's grandpa attends. We went to an earlier service that was geared towards kids and both Savannah and Micah made it through the entire thing. There was a moment at the end when the Gerber puffs had to come out of the diaper bag, and I let Micah eat some, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

We have been in Seattle for two days now, and have had some very special moments of being able to remember the true reason for celebrating Christmas, and the blessing of having a life centered around Christ.

I pray that your holiday is meaningful and that you are able to intentionally connect with the God who stepped into our world to provide salvation and connection with him.

That is truly the best Christmas gift.

However, I have one more Christmas gift for you, faithful blog reader.

Are you so excited?!

I cannot take credit for this idea (I believe it was my friend Amanda who clued me into this practice that brings small moments of happiness into some of my days.)

What is it?

If you are a diet coke drinker (or diet pop drinker at all), next time you are in a situation where you are getting a fountain drink, why don't you try combining this

with just a little splash of this

I'm not going to lie to you. If there is another adult waiting behind you, you might feel a little immature mixing pop. It takes me right back to middle school, but that little splash of Dr. Pepper changes the taste of the Diet Coke in such a way that you would swear you are not drinking diet pop at all. For about 5 calories (depending on how heavy handed you are with your little splashes) you can have a very special treat indeed.

So Merry Christmas. Go fill your body with chemicals that doctors and scientists alike can't agree on the harmfulness of. If you are going to do it, it mine as well taste amazing.

Snow, Snow . . .

2010-12-20T15:58:00.004-06:00

GO AWAY!!!

So here I am at work with another very snowy day. I have had three clients cancel so far, and one not make it due to roads (but she at least tried). I am stuck here waiting to see if my other clients are going to come, and I don't have anything to do.

It is about time for a new blog post, but my mind seems to have been turned to mush by all this inactivity at work. I keep replaying the moment in my mind this morning when I was packing my work bag and I thought, "Should I bring my book? No, I have 8 clients in a row with no real breaks. I won't have time to read." All I can do is chuckle wryly at that memory. Oh, how wrong I was.

I can't even put any new pictures up because my camera is home.

Oh my word, this has so far been the most boring and useless blog post ever. I should win some kind of award for the sheer blahness of what I am writing.

Okay, I am going to try to pull it together.

What can I write about that might be interesting . . .

I got nothing. It has been snowing too much to have anything interesting happen.

I'll try again. Here are random things that have been happening in my life recently:

Ben bought a Wii with Christmas money. It only took us 3 years to get on that bandwagon. The really sad thing is that it only comes with one controller and he said that I will have to buy my own controller if I want to be able to play things with him. LAME! Would I rather spend $40 on a Wii controller or $40 on something really cute to wear? I think you can guess where I come down on that issue. But I probably will buy one eventually and when I do it is going to be this pink beauty. Oh yeah, there will be no doubt whose controller in whose in the Gores household.

*It was brought to my attention that I maybe depicted Ben as not a good sharer of his Wii. He rarely reads this blog, but just in case he happens to read this post . . . We have really only had the Wii for one day. I'm sure he will share it with me. Here is a new problem though. I want him to buy all the classic Mario games. He wants to buy sports game (blech).

We celebrated our family Christmas this weekend since we will be traveling for the holidays. Savannah did not really care about opening her presents, but Micah really liked his. The best thing I got him was this Leapfrog toy.

Micah is at this point where he already knows his letters, numbers, shapes, counting, etc. So I thought working on writing would be good for him. He loves to learn new things and really latches onto the feeling of accomplishment that comes with finally getting a new task (Let's hang onto that through college, buddy!). This has a few different settings. It helps you learn how to draw shapes, lower case letters, upper case letters, and there are some games. He didn't get it at first, but now he is really good at tracing over the lights and is so proud of himself when he does a good job.

As far as Savannah goes I really wanted her to love this toy.

It is a BABY sock monkey, and it is PURPLE! I think this is so cute. She has a big sock monkey in pink that our friends, Kyle and Nealy, bought her when she was in the hospital, so I thought she really needed a baby one too. I pictured her hugging it and carrying it around (once she learns how to walk) since it is about six inches tall and is so cute. So far I hand it to her, and she throws it. Hmmm. Not what I had in mind. (I just read through this post before publishing. Could I have said this sock monkey was cute any more often?)

What about my Christmas presents? Well I have purchased some clothing (all at Target), a duvet cover, a book, and these beauties.

If you see me in the next few month semi-regularly, you will probably see me wearing these boots.

What else . . .

It is still snowing and the Vikings are playing outside tonight due to the metrodome roof collapse during our last snowstorm. Seriously I feel like I am living Laura Ingalls Wilder's life in The Hard Winter. You know it is exactly the same except I have lots of food, plenty of entertainment in the form of TV and the Wii (that is if I had my own controller), and I can leave my house almost whenever I want. But besides those things, it is exactly the same.

I guess this winter is just trying to live up to the name on this blog. So far it is doing a bang up job.

And the baby sock monkey is really cute.

These Are A Few of My Favorite Things

2010-12-10T20:45:00.004-06:00

I have always appreciated the posts that my friends have written on their blogs about the stuff they use and love, so here are a few of MY favorite things!

West Elm is my absolute favorite source for home stuff. It used to be Pottery Barn, but they have gotten all traditional throughout the years and that is not really my scene. I just found out, however, that Williams Sonoma owns West Elm. They also own Pottery Barn. West Elm is like Pottery Barn's cooler, younger sister. I have been working on redoing our bedroom as a personal project since Savannah got out of the hospital, and most of the stuff that I actually bought came from West Elm. I'll have to post pictures of that soon too.

I don't own this watch, but I recently discovered it and I "visit" it on Macy's website and ebay. I haven't decided if I am going to spend my Christmas money on it, but I sure do like it.

I was introduced to Image Skincare when I used a gift card to get a facial at Cole's Salon this summer. I had been unhappy with my skin for a while and was thinking that as I get farther and farther into my 30's (gulp), that I should probably being doing some preventative stuff to take care of my skin. So I asked the lady doing my facial a ton of questions, and left with some great products that I was able to use the rest of my gift card on. This moisturizer is amazing. I have also been using the Total Repair Cream at night, and the Total Resurfacing Masque.

So along with my new clearer and healthier skin, I have also been looking for a new foundation. I got to go to the mall by myself last Friday and took advantage of the alone time to get some advice at Sephora. The lady hooked me up with a sample of this foundation and I am in love. I haven't used a liquid foundation for a while (I have been using mineral powder). This goes on so smoothly and truly makes my skin look flawless. Unfortunately you will now be able to tell a difference between my skin with makeup and without, so I might need to do a better job of actually putting it on. It is a little pricey, so this went on my Christmas list.

This is a new blog that I found that I truly enjoy. I discovered it through another friend's blog and can't get enough. It is the journey of a young couple as they redo their first house, and now they are moving onto their second house. They do almost everything themselves and do a lot of learning along the way. Their style is amazing and I love getting ideas from them. They are pretty famous. You can check them out here.

I just found this website through the blog the I mentioned previously. I don't own any of this stuff, because it is pretty expensive, but I love, love, love it. It is exactly my style and has great messages from scripture. I wonder if I could diy something like this . . .

And of course who can forget these guys. But you can't have them. They're mine.

See the curtains behind them? West Elm, baby.

A Million Excuses

2010-12-08T21:28:00.004-06:00

I have been noticing lately that it is very easy for me to fall into finding a million excuses for not being able to get things done. I am too tired usually tops the list. I am too tired to clean the house. I am too tired to post pictures on my blog. I am too tired to think coherent thoughts to post on the blog. I am too tired to reply to email in any significant way with those I care about but are far away. I am too tired to get off the couch and go to bed.

Believe me it can all get a little ridiculous sometimes.

Tonight I watched the movie Eat, Pray, Love. While I do not buy into the "God is within me and is me" path that Elizabeth Gilbert took to find herself, I was struck with other parts of the movie; mainly the idea that if you want to see change in your life then do something. A million excuses leaves you really busy thinking up excuses. And although I do not believe that meditation is the path to enlightenment, I do believe that connecting with the true God in an intentional way helps erase a lot of excuses. When that is happening, I think it clears out the clutter of what we are doing in our lives that is not necessary and helps us focus on what is truly important. But guess what. I am usually too tired.

So here are some pictures that I have that my mom took while we were in Wisconsin over Thanksgiving, which was a wonderful time with family. And I am going to go connect with the only true source of truth (even though I am really tired :-)

Since Micah's birthday is so close to Christmas, my parents wanted to throw him a little birthday party in Wisconsin the night before Thanksgiving so that they could celebrate with him and he could have a little distance from Christmas with opening presents. He was very excited.
Micah LOVES his cousin, Aubrey. In fact every night while I am putting him to bed he asks for stories and the first one he always wants is a story about Micah and Aubrey. Sometimes he tells me stories about Micah and Aubrey and they go a little something like this, "Once upon a time there was a little boy named Micah and he loved his cousin Aubrey so much. They liked to scream together and then they had to go outside and they were so happy. The end."

What can I say . . . my parents know Micah well.

Savannah did not eat any cake. In my house you have to wait until you are one to get to have that much sugar.

Grandma, Grandpa and all the Grandkids.

Savannah got to me her Great Grandma Kargl for the first time on this trip. She also got to meet her Great Grandma and Great Grandpa Hornby, but those pictures are on my camera and I haven't downloaded them yet.

We'll see when that happens. I am really tired after all.

A Little Less Icky

2010-12-08T07:26:00.004-06:00

Micah frequently asked me if Savannah's heart is still icky. I always tell him that it is still a little icky, but it is a lot better than it was before.

Well, yesterday we visited our wonderful cardiologist, Dr. Gremmels, and found it that it is even more less icky. ("Even more less icky"? Does that even make sense?)

She has gained more weight although is still at the 3rd percentile for weight. We all think now that she has settled in and that is her magic number. I was also very little as a baby. I don't think I have to point out that I am no longer in the 3rd percentile. Sigh.

Obviously she still has mitral valve leakage, which is not great, but was unavoidable. It is better, however, which is a huge answer to prayer. Pre-surgery it was an 8 out of 10 (not compatible with staying alive; hence the surgery), post-surgery it was a 5 out of 10, and now it is a 4 out of 10. It is only one number, but I will take any movement in the right direction.

She goes back in three months and he will just listen to her instead of running a million tests (okay really only two) like they normally do. That seems like a "graduation" of some kind. If she does well then, we will go to every six months for probably the rest of her life.

Thank you all for your prayers. I continue to pray that God will heal her completely, but also just give us the strength to handle whatever he ultimate will is.

Oh yeah, Savannah may look like a 5 month old, but she is doing all kinds of (almost) 10 month old things: pulling herself up on everything, saying "hi, mama, and dada," doing "so big," giving high fives, teething (ugh), understanding certain words like "bottle" and "yum-yums," and generally being really cute.

Pictures of Thanksgiving to come.

Writer's Block

2010-12-03T13:46:00.003-06:00

I seem to have writer's block. Every time I think about blogging, there are too many different ideas and then it gets too overwhelming and I walk away. I think the only way to break writer's block is just to write and not care as much about the cohesion of what you are saying,

so here goes . . .

Ben is skiing today for the first time of the season. That means that tonight I get to go wander around the mall by myself. Yippee! I instructed him that he was not to get hurt because while we have met other members' of the family's out of pocket maximums for insurance this year, we have not touched him. We would have to give everyone Christmas presents this year that said, "Our gift to you: we fixed Ben's broken leg." I talked to him at noon and so far so good.

Micah went to the dentist for the very first time this week. I meant to take my camera and capture the moment, but in the rush to get out the door, I forgot it. He did an amazing job! I was so proud of him. He was a little uncertain, but let them do everything they needed to do. We went to Culver's as his treat afterward (his pick), and I had a salad, which is a bummer thing to eat at Culver's. It was overall very disappointing for me, but much healthier.

It has started snowing (again!) and it is supposed to be a winter storm that lasts through tomorrow morning. Since I don't get paid unless I actually see people I would appreciate it if these winter storms stayed off Saturdays and Mondays.

We put up our little Christmas tree this year, because my rule is if I have a mobile baby who doesn't understand the word no, then no Christmas tree that they can reach. It just eases holiday stress. It is very cute and Micah had fun helping me decorate it with some of our favorite ornaments.

Okay, Savannah is saying that is enough. We'll see if this random post did the trick.

Dear Snowstorm,

Do NOT mess with my evening alone!!!!

Literary Little Ones

2010-11-27T07:15:00.000-06:00

Thankful

2010-11-25T07:15:00.000-06:00

There are so many things I am thankful for: salvation, my family, my friends, having a shelter, food and clothing, having not just needs but quite a few wants,

and I am very thankful that this . . .

now looks like this . .

Happy Thanksgiving!

Who is Your Bath Time Buddy?

2010-11-24T07:15:00.000-06:00

Do you have a bath time buddy? Well, Micah finally does and he couldn't be happier

H&M Cutie

2010-11-22T12:38:00.003-06:00

I decided a couple of weeks ago that Savannah needed some black Mary Jane shoes. She is starting to stand more, and really it was just an excuse to buy her something cute. I found what I was looking for at Target and was thrilled. Fortunately I didn't break them out of the box right away, because the next day at H&M while I was looking for a hat for her, I found a hat and some black Mary Jane's for the price of the shoes I had bought at Target. I just love them both. I bought the shoes a little big so they would fit her for a while, but they are almost too big and they fall off her feet easily. Oh well, she'll grow into them.

Enjoy the super cute baby fix!

Look At Me!!

2010-11-19T20:46:00.001-06:00

Healing Nicely

2010-11-11T08:36:00.000-06:00

I wanted to get a picture of Savannah's scar so I can track it as it fades. Some parts are already lighter than others. It is still really red (and angry), but I continually forget that it has only been 2 1/2 months. It seems like it was FOREVER ago. It really wasn't.

Micah wanted in on the action. Can you guess what they are looking at?

Little fingers and toes. I could just eat them up (and I frequently do).

Turkey Stuffing Time

2010-11-10T07:15:00.002-06:00

The purpose of this post is to get myself another entry for a chance to win a $500 visa gift card from Swanson's Broth. That would be nice, huh. So I am linking to the site where you can sign up. You don't have to do anything as my blog readers. My chances of winning don't increase by you clicking on the link, I simply get one more entry for posting this. However, if you are interested in trying to win a gift card, then click away. (Just don't take it away from me :-)

On a side note, if you do link to this blog, I will say that this is one of my favorite blogs to read. I don't know Big Mama personally (she lives in Texas), but her style of writing and posts about daily life that we can all relate to (without ever being preachy) hooked me right away. She is my morning entertainment while eating breakfast.

On a second side note, I think I left that Enough post up long enough. Since the title of this post references the Thanksgiving holiday to come, I thought I would mention on here that God has been abundantly faithful to us over the past two weeks. We have experienced peace when the situation did not warrant it, and have been seeing God continually show us that he will provide for us no matter what is to come. I would never wish for a difficult situation like this, but when life is easy, I don't really get to see God actively meeting needs like I do now.

This verse has meant a lot to me lately and so I will share it with you.

¹³ The Lord is like a father to his children,

tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
¹⁴ For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust.
Psalm 103: 13-14

Enough!

2010-11-05T21:41:00.002-05:00

Warning: This post is brutally honest and a little whiney. My goal is to be able to vent a little, and yet show that there are many things to be thankful for in the midst of what is to come. You have been warned.

2010 has been brutal.

Ben and I were talking the other day about how this has been hands down the hardest year of both of our lives.

There is part of me that just wants 2010 to be over, but 2011 doesn't really promise to be any easier.

I could list everything. You know what most of it is including Savannah's health, Post Partum Depression, cars breaking down, computer frying (happened today requiring the emergency purchase of a new one because I can't do my job without it), Savannah's surgery. Some of it I can't mention because it is not public knowledge, but it is stressful to the max.

Everytime something new happens I look at Ben and say, "Hasn't it been enough?! When is it going to stop?!"

Then I look at God and say, "Hasn't it been enough?! When is it going to stop?!"

Honestly, I feel like a much more toned down version of Job. (Much more toned down. I can't imagine what he went through.)

I feel beaten down.

Today the thought popped into my head wondering how Ben and I will remember this time 20 years from now when we are looking back on our early 30's.

There is no doubt that we will remember it as really hard.

My hope and prayer though is that we also remember it as a time that we drew closer to God, and closer to each other. I pray that we remember how we were able to keep perspective on all the blessings we do have despite all the trials.

And I pray that I remember that shortly after I wrote this blog post, I did catch a break, and that the pain and trials stopped. You know that would be nice too :-)

When It's Dark Out

2010-11-03T23:08:00.002-05:00

Micah has decided that it being dark out can really change some things. His ideas on this topic as of late:

- "I only like the peel [on the apple] when it's dark out."

- "I can't go pee pee on the potty when it's dark out. Only when it's light out."

and my "favorite"

- "I can't be a good listener when it's dark out."

Halloween?

2010-11-01T07:31:00.003-05:00

As you recall from this post, I have been feeling a little against celebrating Halloween with Micah this year. His developmental stage of taking everything literally and at face value (plus all the whys!) have made me uncomfortable with introducing him to a celebration of death. You can read more by clicking on the link at the beginning of this paragraph if you missed that post.

Well, then it seemed like everyone else that we knew was celebrating Halloween with their kids, and it was hard not to give into the "peer pressure." (No one actually pressured us, but I felt it from myself.)

We decided we could have fun without trick or treating, so we packed up and headed to Lebanon Hills, which is a nature preserve park system by our house. We put Savannah in the trusty back pack carrier, and headed out on the trails. I think Micah had more fun than he would have had trick or treating. Afterward he said, "I didn't know there was one place with so many sticks and leaves!" Meaning that he had a lot of fun picking up all manner of sticks (some bigger than him) and "raking" the leaves on the side of the trail with them. Oh, and running with them, which was quickly ended by the mean Mommy who eventually offered to carry the sticks whenever Micah wanted to run. We had so much fun as a family! There are few times with the kids at this age where we are ALL having fun at an activity. Usually it is either the parents who are having fun and the children are screaming or the other way around. Except we aren't usually screaming . . .

Micah and Savannah fell asleep on the way home, and while that meant bedtime for Micah it apparently meant a short little nap that led to a very late bedtime for Savannah. That's okay. As you can see we had some fun with her after the Micah man was in bed.

She is at the stage where she really wants to eat whatever we are eating. Ben was eating this apple and he was "sharing" with her (her two little teeth didn't give her more than tastes of the apple), but when he was done the core made a nice little toy. As you will see from the video below, she got REALLY excited. As you will hear in the video below, we were watching The Amazing Race. Oops. Should have paused that.

Love

2010-10-30T11:48:00.002-05:00

There are a lot of things/people that I love. God, Ben, Micah, Savannah, my family, Ben's family, my friends, guacamole, and now this . . .

I have been looking for a new dress coat. I tried this on at Express hoping that I wouldn't like it, because the price tag? Not loving it. I am hoping it goes on sale around Christmas and I can use some Christmas money to buy it.

Oh! Isn't it beautiful?

I'm in love.

This Is What Happens . . .

2010-10-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

This is what happens when Ben takes the kids for a run at 7:00 at night. Don't worry this was two weeks ago when we were still experiencing abnormally balmy fall weather.

Arthur

2010-10-23T07:00:00.000-05:00

Micah drew Arthur (from the cartoon) this week. His first attempt to draw anything other than scribbles. I think he did pretty good.

Halloween

2010-10-22T22:38:00.004-05:00

I want to start this post by saying that I am not anti-Halloween. At least not really. I grew up trick-or-treating and loved it. I loved getting to pick out my costumes and getting lots of candy.

In fact, here is some proof that I am not anti-Halloween.

Halloween 2008

Halloween 2009

But here is the part where it becomes clear why I felt the need to make a disclaimer that I am not anti-Halloween.

There are things I hate about it. I hate that it encourages kids to dress up as monsters and evil characters. I hate that it is met with a slew of horror movies that inundate the airwaves with commercials that make watching something like a football game with Micah in the room risky (even with Tivo). I hate the celebration of death when my faith leads me to celebrate that Jesus conquered death.

Now I know that Halloween has for most people become an innocent holiday that centers around carving pumpkins (in favor), dressing your kids in cute costumes (in favor), and eating candy (very much in favor). However, the true roots of the holiday remain in the scary costumes (not in favor), hanging up paper cutouts of ghosts around the house (not in favor), and decorating your yard with such creepy stuff that my 2 3/4 year old gets scared on an evening walk even though he doesn't even really understand what he is seeing (very much not in favor).

I have also been struck by the idea of having to explain Halloween to Micah. For the past two years, he didn't understand what Halloween was. He didn't trick-0r-treat, he didn't get any candy, but I did dress him up in cute costumes I bought off craig's list and take fun pictures. This year is different though. This year he is in the "why, why, why" stage of development. Everything needs a reason, and that reason needs a reason. So when someone mentions trick-or-treating he wants to know why someone would do that. Why do we do that? I have no idea! When he wants to know what those things are (decorations of ghosts or vampires or witches), I don't want to have that conversation with him! In fact, every time I think about conversations about Halloween in relation to Micah, it makes me a little sick and it makes me want to "shelter" him from this holiday.

Because let's face it, if he wants to dress up cute he is welcomed to do that any day of the year. He wore his Halloween costume from last year today for no reason at all except he wanted to be a giraffe. If he wants candy all he has to do is pee on the potty, and once he conquers that he'll still get candy.

So what is the redeeming quality of Halloween. Nothing that I can think of. Christmas - I am major behind that. Easter - ditto. Forth of July - pretty great thing (unless your British). Thanksgiving - great food, giving thanks, family - sounds good. Halloween - celebration of death - not so much.

I want to close by saying that if Halloween is your favorite holiday, more power to you. This is MY person opinion and is in no way right for everyone. In fact, this is my fairly new personal opinion so who knows if I will still feel this way in the future. When Micah is old enough to separate the fun from the icky, then who knows how I'll feel. When he is in school and they have parties, that is totally fine with me. As Ben can attest after nine years of marriage and a few years of dating before that, I am a verbal processor so what comes out is not always what ends up being the final result. I just verbally processed about Halloween, so there you have it.

So welcome to the inner working of my mind.

And you thought Halloween was scary . . .

Family Walk

2010-10-21T20:46:00.000-05:00

Getting Chubbier

2010-10-10T07:00:00.000-05:00

Pictures taken on September 27th

Windy Day

2010-10-09T07:00:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago it was a very windy day. Some might even call it blustery. I can't even remember why he has no shirt on, but we had to open the door for some reason and he escaped. No shirt. No shoes. But a pink butterfly balloon. He was shrieking with happiness at running around in the cold and the wind. I thought it was so funny it needed to be memorialized. So here Micah is in all his glory.

Too Cute

2010-10-08T07:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I love an outfit so much that I just have to take a picture of it.

Micah

2010-10-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

First day of Rainbows

Fun new PJs

Party Time!!!

2010-10-06T21:17:00.002-05:00

A brief break from the cute kid pictures for a moment.

In a couple of weeks, Amanda Selness and I are throwing a joint Lia Sophia and Norwex party. If you live too far away to come and want to order something there will be information below on how to place an order.

There was not enough room on the Evite to include all the great information about these two very different product groups. Here is all the info.

Enjoy!

Hi, Friends!

Think it's possible to clean and disinfect your whole home, using only water and a chemical-free "magic cloth"? Come to my party and learn about a whole new way to get a cleaner, greener home! I’ve recently learned about Norwex, and am very excited about their cleaning products - especially because they are cost-effective, time-saving, healthy for your home/family, and environmentally-friendly.

Come join me for a Norwex party hosted by my good friend, Beth Zustiak, a Norwex consultant. Norwex is a company whose mission is "to improve the quality of life by radically reducing the use of chemicals in personal care and cleaning." They sell cleaning products to use in your kitchen, bathroom, car and even in your laundry.

Please come, even if you don't plan to order something now. It's worth learning about, and I'll be serving up apps, drinks, and plenty of conversation! Feel free to invite a girlfriend - just add her to your RSVP on this evite, so I can predict number of guests. Hope I'll see you here! If you can't make it, you can place a catalog order with me any time before the party, or by contacting Beth at beth.zustiak@gmail.com or at 651-398-9889. (Online ordering is not currently available, but she can take your order by email or phone, and will accept Visa or Mastercard. She’ll also make sure your order gets credited to my party if you order before my party date.)

Every woman loves receiving jewelry, and lia sophia^® has the perfect gifts! Shop with friends for a simple pair of earrings for your mom ... classic bracelet for a favorite teacher ... a grand statement necklace for your sister - lia sophia has it all! And with our Customer Save Plan^®, every third item (the most expensive of the three) is half price! In addition to our Customer Save plan our special in October is each additional pair of earrings or bracelets (up to 3) will be half off as well.

And don't forget to choose something for yourself. With this much style and value, you have to treat yourself, too! And as always, every style comes with a Lifetime Replacement Guarantee.
We hope you can make it!

If you cannot attend the party but are interested in ordering you can place a catalog order with me directly either by phone 651-353-2008 or by email atzatholm@msn.com . You can also place an order online through my website at www.liasophia.com/traciholm click on "our jewelry" and then on "how to purchase" type in the hostess name, either Amanda or Erica and begin ordering! Lia Sophia accepts Visa, Mastercard, or discover and if you need to write a check, please make it out to Traci Holm.

Fun At Home

2010-10-06T07:00:00.002-05:00

First Cheerio

Watching fuzzy a caterpillar

I Guess All It Took Was The Right Motivation

2010-10-04T21:18:00.003-05:00

I am speaking at our MOPS group this Friday and a large part of my talk is about our experience with Savannah over the past eight months. It will include pictures and that has forced me to enter Best Buy and get this camera cord thing taken care of. The bad news was that they did not have the cord I need and the guy said I would have to order it from the manufacturer. He started to walk away when I said, "What if I need the pictures off my camera now?!" He said, "Oh, no problem. You can get one of these card readers." He wasn't even going to mention it. Isn't his job to sell me things?

So I have my pictures!

Over the next week I'll be posting the pictures from the last month. Enjoy!

These were taken three days after we got home from the hospital.

Can you see the side of her neck. These are the remnants of her central line. The area looks a lot better, but she might have some scars from that.

Ahhh, Parenthood

2010-10-01T07:17:00.003-05:00

What were you doing at 1:00 a.m. last night?

Me? I was pacing in my pitch black bathroom with the shower running at its hottest while Savannah laid in my arms trying to breath through her mouth, which is very unnatural for a baby.

She woke up last night about 12:30. I tried to feed her, which she definitely wanted, but her nose was suddenly so congested that she couldn't breath out of it at all. I went and woke Ben up, because he is the master nose sucker (I think that should go on his resume), but it was so thick he couldn't get anything out.

So that led to the pacing. She couldn't use the nuk, which made it really hard for her to fall asleep. Besides the fact that anytime she would actually fall asleep, her body would automatically switch over to trying to breath through her nose, which would wake her up. That led to a lot of crying. Amazingly Micah slept through it all.

After an hour, Ben and I switched and I got to sleep. I just learned that an hour and a half later she finally fell asleep. She is still sleeping now. She spent a lot of time outside last evening and I am hoping she was just congested from that. I guess we'll see how she is today.

Or Ben will see how she is today. I am working my garage sale today. Far away from home. With no kids. (Don't let Ben see, but *silent cheer!!!*)

Just checked on her. She is sleeping, breathing through her nose, and doesn't sound stuffed up at all. Odd.

Coming Soon to a Store Near You!

2010-09-30T16:22:00.003-05:00

I am writing a children's book. Let me know what you think.

The title is The Thrush That Wouldn't Die.

It is about a little girl named Savannah. She has to be in the hospital and gets thrush from the antibiotics they put her one.

Her (wonderful) parents go home with thrush medication and spend the next two weeks boiling everything that touches her mouth. The two weeks finally comes to an end and they are so happy.

Then two days later the thrush comes back. They have left over medicine from when she had it at 4 months of age, and use that for two weeks. The two weeks finally comes to an end and they are so happy.

Two days later (like right now) the thrush comes back. They are out of medicine.

Her (wonderful) mom calls the pediatrician and asks if there is another kind of medicine they can put her on since the Nystatin doesn't seem to be doing the trick.

There is but it can cause extreme liver damage.

The (tired) mom goes to Target to pick up another bottle of Nystatin to give it one more chance to kick this thing in the butt.

The (annoyed) mom gets back out of the "no-no" bowl where everything that goes in her mouth sits until it is boiled, sits down, and sighs.

The moral of the story is . . . well, I don't really think there is one.

Of course it will have gorgeous illustrations by a famous artist named MXG. No one knows his true identity.

The sequel will be called The Mom Who Was Too Tired to Buy A Camera Cord.

Grandma's Visit

2010-09-25T12:35:00.003-05:00

Savannah has become a completely different baby. I love getting to know this new Savannah. I always thought she was this super calm, low key baby. While she still is fairly easy going, she is not calm. She loves to roll all over the place, wants to crawl (but ends up screaming with her face in the floor and her butt in the air), "talks" constantly, and smiles super big whenever she sees Mommy or Daddy. She is eating like a normal 7 month old and seems bigger and bigger all the time. I could not be happier with how things are going. It is like this constant anxiety that was living in our house has seeped out and disappeared. It is a very nice feeling. Here are some pictures from my Mom's visit almost two weeks ago. She was kind enough to send me these pictures, because you know . . . I still don't have a camera cord.

MXG

2010-09-22T18:03:00.004-05:00

Micah Xavier Gores hasn't really gotten the press on here that he deserves lately. Someone else (who will remain nameless but you know who you are) has gotten all the attention. Most of it rightly so. At least she can't say that she is the ignored second child, although there are better things to be recognized for than having surgery at 6 months of age.

Shoot. I think I just gave away who it was.

Anyway . . .

Micah has been up to his own things lately including:

Having his very first smore made over a campfire. He declared it very good and really wanted a second one, which Daddy vetoed. He had this smore at our kick-off fall social for our small group. We are going to be studying with a book/DVD series by Francis Chan called Crazy Love. I am really excited to go through it as it is about letting the knowledge and truth that God loves us more than we can ever imagine truly impact our lives and how we live. I think it will be really good.

Micah also pooped in the potty for the first time this week. He has peed in the potty lots of times (although we are not officially potty training yet), but refused to poop. With the help of some M&M's we achieved pooping. He hasn't done it since, and I am not pushing it. We are what I would call pre-potty training. I am going to let our lives settle in a little more before we push that big change.

Micah started his mother's day out program this week, which will be referred to as "Rainbows" in the future on this blog. That is what he calls it. He likes his teacher and has a very small class of only five kids this year. He tells me that he is only a "little sad for Mommy" during the day, so that is a big improvement from last year. What do I do with that time? Well, yesterday Savannah and I dropped something off at a friend's house, met another friend to walk at the mall, and then had lunch with yet another friend (from grad school). It was a busy day and Savannah was a trooper as she didn't get to nap at home. She was so cooperative though and it was a nice day for me too.

Micah gets more and more fun the older he gets. The other day Savannah was napping and Micah and I just sat at the table coloring and talking for a half and hour. He can hold real conversations now and I am continually amazed with the ways his brain works and the things he knows. Yesterday we were driving to Target and he said, "How about we go to the store, and then go home, and then play outside. What do you think, Mommy? Is that a good plan?" Holy cow! What happened to my baby!?

He is really into Curious George, Word World, playing in any kind of water, and sidewalk chalk. He is also really into Caedmon's Call (the Christian band), and only wants to listen to them in the car. We only have the 40 Acres CD, and it is getting old fast, but he knows some of the words and sings along. I don't know what made him pick that, but it is all he will listen to. Don't worry, Go Fish. I'm sure we'll come back someday.

Obviously we have our moments too. In fact another fun part of yesterday was making both of us take some deep breaths to calm down. He didn't really participate, but I really needed them.

I wish I could post a recent picture of Micah, but alas . . . you know the story. I am now convinced that I left the cord at the hospital. That means replacing it, but there is no way I am walking into Best Buy with a toddler and a baby so we'll see when that gets done. For now I'll continue to annoy you with mentions of my camera cord being missing.

But who wants to see a picture of Micah anyway when you can see a picture of this. Mmmmm, Cafe Latte (sadly) taken in June.

We shared that dessert. When I am 80 that may be one of my biggest regrets in life. Sharing it that is.

No Cord Needed

2010-09-20T14:46:00.004-05:00

No camera cord needed to be able to post these pictures. Many people have provided very tangible support to us in the last few months as we have dealt with Savannah's health issues. One of the ways that my friend, Nealy, has helped was to take Savannah's six month pictures. I really wanted some pictures of her scar-free chest, and it turns out we got them just in the nick of time. I dropped Micah off to play at Jodi's house on Tuesday, August 24th. I took Savannah to Nealy's house to take the pictures and hang out. Savannah was feeling so sick that she did not smile once that entire day. We took pictures for about 15 minutes and then Savannah just couldn't tolerate it anymore, which you will see in the last pictures I posted. That night is when we took Savannah to the emergency room, where she was admitted to the hospital and didn't leave until 10 days later with her zipper (scar) taking up most of her chest and belly.

Another glitch in the day was the fact that Savannah had gotten two stitches in her face the night before from an accidental meeting with the sharp end of our grill brush. I thought we would have to cancel the pictures for sure, but Nealy assured me that she could edit those out. She did an amazing job. I thought I wouldn't like any of them because all I remembered was Savannah crying through the whole thing, but Nealy proved once again what a great photographer she is. Check out her website by clicking here.

Here you can see the full damage of the stitches on her face.

This is my favorite pictures. It is such a great picture showing her unblemished skin.

Here she is just done for the day. After this she went to sleep for almost the whole rest of the day except when she was throwing up. It is no wonder we ended up in the hospital later that night.

Biting the Bullet

2010-09-18T22:32:00.002-05:00

I am so frustrated that I still can't find my camera cord. I know how these things work. I am going to find it the very same day that I buy a replacement one, open it, and use it so that it is unreturnable. I feel so behind in what is going on with us picture wise. I still have pictures from the hospital that haven't been loaded on the camera much less all the playing outside we have been doing as we enjoy this fall weather.

I am doing much better postpartum depression wise. In fact, I have "graduated" from seeing my therapist every week to every other week. Last week we really struggled with what to talk about, which is amazing since I have plenty of stress in my life right now. I am simply finding it easier and easier to cope with that stress. The medication for sure is still a necessity, but it is nice feeling more in control of my emotions again. Coping with Savannah's surgery would not have been possible without God, my medication, and my therapist. I am very thankful for all three.

Tonight Ben and I got to go on a mini-date. I worked today from 8:15-5:30, so I hadn't been home all day. Micah took a four hour nap this afternoon which is why it is 10:37 and I am sitting on the toilet seat typing this while he plays in the bath tub. At about 7:00 this evening I told Ben that I was just feeling the weight of everything we have going on and that it wasn't helping that we hadn't had time alone together in the form of a date since we were in Seattle. A wonderful family from church had given us an Applebee's giftcard, and I told Ben that I wish we could drop them off somewhere for two hours so we could just have some adult time. In the past I would have wished for that and then just felt bad that it couldn't happen. I have learned though to try to ask for what you want and see if it can work out. We talked about who we could call and not totally annoy on a Saturday evening and ended up calling a very nice lady named Beth that works with Ben at the church. She happened to have a couple of hours free tonight while she waited to pick her daughter up from a dance and came over so we could go to dinner. We left Savannah for the first time since her surgery with someone other than family and had a nice dinner just the two of us.

Micah has started trying to open all my shampoo and conditioner bottles in the shower (which apparently I need to put on a higher shelf). He just asked me if I would be frustrated if he opened it. He knows me well. I guess bedtime is in order. I am not a fan of going to bed the same time as my children. Let's hope we have no naps tomorrow and an early bedtime.

It Is Really Not My Fault

2010-09-13T19:56:00.002-05:00

So I realized today that based on my last post, it probably looks like I have not posted on the blog since then because I am lost in my sadness/trauma over what we have been through the last seven months with special attention given to the last month.

I do have moments where I am struck with sadness over what we have experiences, Savannah has experienced, and what the future does or does not hold for her. However, those are usually moments and I am trying to do a good job of allowing myself to feel those moments, and then giving them to God. I have found this approach much more helpful then either trying to just pray them away, or push them down. This way I acknowledge the truth of those feelings, let myself really feel them, and then can share those with God. It seems better then trying any kind of quick fix. And it feels better then blowing up or melting down at a later stage because I let the feelings fester. When I am not feeling those moments I am going through daily life much like it was before the surgery . . .

but better!

There is no more constant anxiety about how much Savannah is eating because she is totally eating like a normal seven month old. I was telling Ben the other day that pre-surgery Savannah was so far behind where Micah was at six months old in respect to how much she was eating and what kinds of food she was eating. If you are having trouble getting your baby to even finish a small bottle, you don't spend as much time introducing new foods or letting them play with their sippy cup. However, that is the direction we are moving in. She is downing bottles with no fight, and is eating three meals a day of solids. She is obsessed with whatever we are eating and will lunge with her entire body to try to get it. It was almost like she could sense the other night that those Dairy Queen Blizzards that everyone else had were something worth fighting for.

She also looks so much better. She has more color, she has more spunk, she laughs and babbles more. Before her pale skin and "temperament" just seemed normal because that is how she had always looked. Now I feel like we are getting to know the real Savannah. And you know what? The real Savannah does not like to sleep as much as the sick Savannah did. I know. I know. That is really a great sign, but I was kind of hoping that this trait was something that would really stick, you know? She still does a pretty good job of sleeping at night (now that we have gotten all those nasty hospital induced sleep habits out of her system), but she used to be really easy to lay down, and now she fights the sleep more.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot the point of my post. Basically I can't find the cord that attaches the camera to the computer. Boy I seem to have lots of excuses for getting pictures up on here, but this one seems more out of my control. I have looked EVERYWHERE! I really hope it came home from the hospital with us. I am going to give it one more week and then I might have to go buy a new one. All that to say, I have not been abstaining from blogging due to any deep emotional pit. I have been abstaining due to the deep pit my camera cord seems to have disappeared into.

Enough about that.

My mom is here for a couple of days, and tomorrow is Micah's first day back at his mother's day out program. He says he is excited, but I know he will cry when I leave him. Then my mom and I are going to work on scrapbooking Savannah's first seven months of life. It is going to get done. I am a speedy scrapbooker because I don't particularly enjoy it.

So here's to Micah's first day back at Praise and Rainbows, a good day scrapbooking, finding my camera cord, and no one creepy waiting outside when I make the now dark walk to my car as I leave work tonight.

Oh, and here's to not noticing typos, incorrect words, or missing words because I don't have time to proof this. You have been begging for an update, and beggars can't be choosers.

I Just Don't Know

2010-09-07T14:53:00.002-05:00

Part of me really wants to blog.

Every time I go to my blog to check other people's blogs, I see those really sick pictures of Savannah. I think to myself that I really need to get the pictures from her last two days in the hospital when she wasn't looking stoned out of her mind and like a skeleton. Okay, she still looked like a skeleton, but she doesn't anymore!!!!

But I just can't do it. Seeing those pictures even briefly makes me so sad right now. I would rather look at the healthy, smiling Savannah in my arms then look at any of those pictures from her hospital stay right now. Just know that she is doing really well. She is eating more than she ever has in her whole life. She has at least gained back what she lost in the hospital, because her skin in no longer hanging off her bones. She is taking so much medicine I had to write down what she takes when because I can't keep track of it. She will lose some of it in the next couple of weeks. We have our follow up appointment with Dr. Gremmels this Thursday to remove two of her stitches and to see how she is doing. The thought of going back to the hospital (that is where the clinic is) makes me a little sick, but I am also excited; excited to see how much she weighs, and excited to have Dr. Gremmels see a smiling Savannah. He hasn't seen that much.

Oh, and speaking of being sick I got the stomach flu yesterday. I am feeling much better today, but yesterday was so awful. Plus I had to drive to work to call my clients and cancel and I had to pull over once on the way there and once on the way back to throw up. Gross.

So when I am a little more emotionally removed from everything, I will post those pictures. In the meantime, maybe I will try to take some happy, healthy pictures of her to post.

No Place Like It

2010-09-03T22:12:00.000-05:00

We are home. Enough said. For now.

Right Direction, But Long Road

2010-09-01T19:46:00.002-05:00

Today was Savannah's best day yet. Yesterday was her first full day off the ventilator, and it was a rough one. You could tell she was uncomfortable, she was constipated from the surgery, was having trouble relearning how to breath and eat at the same time, and was not sleeping. It was a hard day and a hard night.

But today? Today was so much better. She was calm, she was comfortable, she was eating, and snoozing a little bit at a time (still not full naps, but they are doing construction above us at the hospital and it is loud in her room during the day). She even almost smiled. I'm sure smiles are coming tomorrow. She is starting to look more and more like herself. Honestly I was feeling a little disconnected from her due to the stress of being in the hospital and her not seeming like herself at all. She didn't even seem like my baby. Today she seemed like my baby for the first time in over a week. It was nice to see. I am even more excited to see her tomorrow.

Ben is on night duty tonight. She got to spend yesterday evening at home with Micah so I left the hospital around 2:00 this afternoon and have spent the rest of the day with Micah. I can tell that he really liked it, which helped the stress I was feeling at not being at the hospital. Balancing their needs have not been easy, as right now she really does need so much more than him. He needs us too though, and I'm sure we will experience a little bit of the separation anxiety that we saw after Savannah was born and we were in the hospital with her for just two days.

All of these pictures are from Monday when they took her breathing tube out. She was still pretty out of it that day as they were just starting to work the sedation out of her system.

We got some discharge instructions today because they might send her home from the hospital in the next couple of days. This is the first time that we learned exactly what caring for her after the hospital is going to entail. I have had lots of people offer to watch the kids for me after we get home. However, it is going to be me and Savannah this month. Or Daddy and Savannah. She has to be handled very carefully over the next month as her incisions continue to heal. She has to be picked up in very specific ways, and we just have to be really careful not to rip anything that is still trying to heal. We also need to protect her from getting sick. Because of these things, we won't be having anyone else watch her, and she won't be in any kind of childcare situation. I don't even care. It is so much better than seeing her so sick in the hospital. I hope I can hold on to these feelings of gratitude after the hospital. I know that experiences like this can leave fleeting impressions, and I don't want that to be the case for me.

The camera is at the hospital, but I will try to post more pictures tomorrow; for sure on facebook. Although . . . I am busier at the hospital now holding my little girl.

Rest

2010-08-29T20:04:00.005-05:00

We are all in need of a little rest. Saturday night I slept at the hospital on the chance that they were going to try to extubate her that night (remove her from the ventilator). That didn't happen because over night she spiked a fever of 104. They did some cultures and discovered that she has some kind of respiratory infection. They have been suctioning lots of yucky stuff out of her lungs, so it really came as no surprise to them. They started her on two kinds of antibiotics and have been working to reduce her fever today, which is going well. The good news is that it gives her one more day to rest, and get some more tube feeding (which is easier than bottle feeding) to build up her strength. The bad news is that it is just one more day that I can't hold her. I ended up being at the hospital most of the day, but at 3:00 in the afternoon I hit the wall. I was feeling crabby with everyone (through no fault of their own) and was so tired. I am learning to voice what I am feeling through all of this so that others around me can help add a little perspective. So I said that I wanted to go home right then and sleep and just spend the evening at home, but it was really hard for me to leave her. That gave everyone the chance to remind me that she is still really out of it, she is only six months old so whether I am gone for 5 minutes or 1 day doesn't really compute to her, and that she would need me more tomorrow if they extubate. That made it easier to leave, and I took a two hour nap right when I got home, ate some non-hospital food, and will get to take a shower.

The hospital stay is starting to really wear on me, but it is possible we are only half way through our stay there. I think the next three days will be crucial in deciding when we get to go home. I continue to love all our nurses and the doctors (but we only see the doctors for a few minutes a day). The nurses are the ones who show her love besides all the medical care they give her. They coo over her and tell her how pretty she is. As the mom, I really like to see that.

If you are a friend with me on facebook, then you have seen these pictures, but since I don't know when I will be home with the computer again to be able to post on blogger I thought I would add them here too. I am sitting in her room right now. I am both terrified and can't wait for her to come home! I never thought I would long for really long days with a 2 1/2 year old and a baby, but . . . it sure beats the hospital.

Above and below: So sick before she got transferred to the Cardiac PICU (we were just waiting for a bed). This is the day they decided they needed to intubate her, which was absolutely the right decision.

Drugged up and in a better place.

Post surgery she has more machines than you would think possible. All giving her good stuff to help her out. Some of them are even giving her food now!

Pretty as a picture even with all the tape and tubes.

Micah came to visit. He was a little intimidated at first. He asked lots of questions about all the machines. He has come a couple of times to see her, but now that she has a balloon in her room, that is all he really cares about.

Uncle Brad and Aunt Heather came to visit.

See the slightly open eyes? She has been focusing those eyes more and more today as they lower her sedation rate, but no matter how much she opens them she looks stoned. You can see her wound from the surgery. They used internal stitches to minimize scarring, which I think is pretty nifty. Under the bandages are her pacing wires, which they will pull out once she is successfully off the vent, and two little holes from her chest tubes that were removed on Saturday.

I requested on facebook today that if you have been praying for Savannah or following her story, I would love for you to write her a little note to let us know so that I can put them together for her to read someday. If you already wrote one on facebook, thank you, but if you are not on facebook and would like to write one, then please include it in the comments on this blog post. Make sure to put who it is from. All of us will benefit from reading about how Savannah has been lifted before God these past months and especially this past week.

Thanks.

Excuse Me, Do You Provide Early Check-In?

2010-08-25T20:14:00.003-05:00

So here I am sitting in the family lounge waiting for them to finish “working” on Savannah. As the night and day progressed Savannah continued to worsen. It was so painful to watch her little body just laying listlessly in the bed, her rough breathing shaking her little chest. When she would open her eyes she would either cry out or look at me with these pitiful eyes and whimper.

Things really began to happen once a bed opened up and we were able to move to the Cardiac PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit). I quickly gathered that the doctors and nurses up on the 7^th floor (where we were previously) had simply been in a holding pattern, not really wanting to do anything that might contradict what they would do once she was where she belonged.

It was scary and mostly sad to see her so sick, but I felt so much peace being in a place where I knew they could take really good care of her. It has been so much easier than what it was like sitting with her at home, knowing she was sick, and that she was completely dependent on me to make the right call about whether or not she was getting “too bad.”

Everyone in the PICU has been so amazing. Once they saw how Savannah was functioning, they took action immediately. Taking action immediately in hospital time means that 3 hours later they were finally ready to begin J That is good though. You definitely want your doctors and nurses double checking and consulting with one another when they are caring for your little one. The first thing they did was put her on a nasal canula to deliver some oxygen and positive pressure to her respiratory system to help her breath. This really improved her color which was starting to look really pale and kind of green. They did an ECHO to check the condition of her heart so they would know what they would see when they go in there tomorrow. Our cardiologist met with us and went over everything from the surgery. Our nurse was so amazing and knowledgable that she had already answered most of those questions, and her answers were the same. It was really good to hear the information twice now.

Ultimately the doctors decided that they needed to take some more extreme action for Savannah. They believed that if they waiting and let her continue as she was, they would probably end up doing an emergency intubation in the middle of the night. As they explained, it is much better to do things when it is not an emergency and they can take all the time they need while they are doing. Well, they have been working on it for over an hour, so I would say they are taking their time. They are also using this opportunity to prepare some of the things that they would have to do for tomorrows surgery anyway. Here is the run down: Right now they are intubating her and putting her on a ventilator to control her breathing for her. She has been sedated, which is required for intubation, but it also helps her body completely rest. It no longer has to work to breath so hard for her. They are putting in her central line right now, and adding an arterial IV in addition to the IV in her hand that she already has. When we finally get to go back, I know there will be a lot more wires and tubes, but she will also be resting peacefully. That will be so nice to see after watching her struggle for so long.

Per the advice of our nurse, Ben and I are both going to sleep at home tonight. Tomorrow is going to be really long and draining with the surgery and I am working on 3 hours of sleep from last night. My mom is going to come and sleep at the hospital. It helps me a lot to know that Savannah will be sedated overnight. I know she will not be crying, and she will not know that we are not there. Last night I spent much of the night leaning over her crib, stroking her hair and saying, “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay,” while she whimpered.

We’ll keep you posted tomorrow as we find of news. It helps to send it out there and inform all the praying being done on her behalf.

Now if they would just finish up and let us back in her room, we could get on with our evening!

(Home now. Getting things packed for tomorrow and then trying to get to bed. It actually feels really good and normal to be home, but Savannah is always on my mind. I will try to get the pictures I took of her yesterday loaded on the computer when we are back at the hospital tomorrow.)

*Forgive typos, wrong words, and incorrect spellings. I am very tired.

13.1 Miles

2010-08-23T20:57:00.002-05:00

This Sunday Ben ran his first 1/2 marathon. The farthest he has ever run! We are so proud of him.

Micah and Savannah looking thrilled to be waiting for Daddy.

Ben is not in this picture, but I wanted to get a picture of the crowd.

Done!

The whole family. Sort of.

Is it time for a full marathon next? We'll see . . .

_________________________________________

Savannah sidenote: Savannah is at Urgent Care right now getting stitches on her face. Long story short, Micah threw the grill brush and the tip of it hit her next to her nose. The cut is not that long, but it is pretty deep. Apparently she didn't want to wait until Thursday to get her first stitches. Being little in this house can be hazardous.

Savannah Banana or Sweetie Peetie as Ben Likes to Call Her

2010-08-20T22:38:00.006-05:00

Today was Savannah's 6 month well baby check up. I went in fully prepared for a significant drop in her weight percentile. What I was not prepared for was an actual drop in weight. For all of Savannah's difficulty in gaining weight, she has never actually lost it. In a lot of ways I was not surprised. The nurse was horrified (she annoys me for reasons I cannot explain) and tried to "comfort" me. I wanted to say, "Are you kidding, lady? I live this every day with her. I watch her not eat. I watch her become fatigued when she does eat. She is having surgery for a reason!" Instead I just said, "It's okay, she'll be okay." I can't believe I was having to comfort someone who doesn't even know my daughter. Anyway, I was not happy with the weight loss and truth be told I felt really worried all morning. It is hard to watch her feel so sick, and know that nothing can really be done about it for 6 days.

This afternoon was a little better though. She actually ate a little bit and then perked up some after a nap. She and I played peek-a-boo for about 20 minutes and she thought it was hilarious. It was nice to see her normal, smiley self. Lately we have been seeing less and less of that and more and more fussiness.

A lot of people have been asking how they can help during this time. Obviously prayer is the biggest thing. Prayer for Ben and I to have peace and wisdom in making decisions for Savannah, and wisdom in giving Micah what he needs from us right now while Savannah takes up so much time and attention. Prayer for Micah that he will get what he needs emotionally from all the grandparents while we are in the hospital and that we would be able to find some balance for him. Prayer for Savannah that God would protect her over this next week, and during the surgery and recovery. Prayer for all the doctors and nurses that will be providing care for her. That God will help them to do their very best and that no medical mistakes would be made while we are there.

Besides prayer I have thought of some tangible things that would help. First I would like to thank my friend, Amanda, who stepped right up to the plate and organized some very tangible help for us. I know that she has collected money to help us pay for parking and food while we are at the hospital. I also know that she organized a care package for us to take to the hospital put together by the MOPS Steering Team I am on. I don't even know everyone who has participated in this yet, but to all of them we are so grateful. Other things that would be helpful for us would be some meals for the freezer. Both my parents and Ben's parents are going to be here while we are in the hospital with Savannah. Although they will be caring for things at home for us, they will also be supporting us and Savannah during this time. I know they would appreciate some meals that they don't have to worry about to take one thing off their plate. Another thing I have learned from talking to others that have had children in the hospital for any length of time is that you leave totally exhausted. Therefore I think some meals that we didn't have to worry about once we get home from the hospital would be so helpful. I will probably also need help with people having Micah over some after Savannah is released from the hospital just to give me a chance to rest.

Those are some things that I have been thinking about. I guess if you would like to provide a meal, you can email me. I'm just guessing that if you read this blog and you are close enough to provide a meal, then you probably know my email address. Otherwise you can leave a comment on this post, and I'll get in touch with you.

Thank you again for all your support both tangible and in the spiritual realm. We feel very loved.

Home Sweet Home

2010-08-19T21:21:00.002-05:00

We are home from our trip to Seattle. We had such a great time out there, and it was really sad to leave. However, it is nice to be home. Laundry has already been started, unpacking is almost done, and one out of two kids is asleep. Not bad for only being home for 2 1/2 hours.

Some of the highlights of our trip including getting to attend Ben's cousin, Kevin's, wedding (we rarely to get to participate in family celebrations like this), going on a date night (The Good Guys, very funny), taking naps almost every day, getting to see lots of family members, and watching Micah and Savannah have lots of fun with Nonna and Papa. Okay, honestly Savannah was a little slow to warm up, but Nonna figured out some tricks to keep her calm, which made our date night possible.

Some of the highlights for Micah were getting to help Papa water the plants each morning, getting to help Papa pick up cones and plumbs, and rocks in the backyard, getting to help Papa wash the cars . . . are you sensing a theme here? He also had a lot of fun when Nonna and Papa took him on a special outing down to a beach where he got to see a ferry boat, and throw rocks into the ocean. We got to see pictures, and it looks like he had a lot of fun. We also took him to a Children's Museum, and swimming at a pool that was just perfect for him. The week was the perfect mix of relaxing and doing fun stuff. Actually Micah rarely relaxed, but he doesn't like to anyway.

Now that we are back our lives begin bending towards Savannah's surgery. Who am I kidding? Our lives have been bending towards her surgery since we found out last Friday, but it feels like more physical preparation happens now. Savannah is not doing great right now. She has started sleeping a lot, is fussier when she is awake, doesn't want to eat more than is normal for her (I didn't even think that was possible), and has started sweating when she eats, which is a pretty bad sign. I called the cardiologist on call when we got home tonight just to make sure we didn't need to bring her in or move the surgery up. He said that none of those things surprised him, and that she would be fine to wait for the surgery as long as she doesn't get sick with anything else. It is hard to wait a week when you know your baby isn't doing well. I'm sure the week will go quickly as I am working twice, have a busy day on Tuesday, Wednesday is filled with pre-op appointments, and Thursday will be here before I know it. Tomorrow she has her six month well-baby check. I think in her case it should be called a six month sick-baby check, but hopefully this is the last sick-baby check she will have!

Another highlight from the Seattle trip was getting to have dinner with a couple around our age who went through multiple surgeries with their daughter the first year of her life. Ben's mom knows them through teaching, and contacted them for us. They were so gracious to send their daughter to Grandpa and Grandma's house for the night and spend the evening sharing their experiences with us over dinner. I am finding that there is something that connects parents who have had a very sick baby in a way that other parents just can't quite understand. We were so thankful for their willingness to share with us, and we were able to share with them. Ben and I both agreed that we could see ourselves being friends with them if we didn't live 2000 miles apart.

I guess I'll have some stats to post about Savannah tomorrow. I am predicting another drop in the percentiles, but hopefully this will be her last.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

2010-08-13T10:40:00.004-05:00

Yesterday we took our first plane trip as a family of four. I think that Ben and I must have both been expecting the worst, but it went fairly smoothly. I know that part of that is from flying so much with Micah as a baby, because we definitely knew the drill going through security, which is probably the most complicated part when you have a stroller, two kids, many, many bags, liquids for the baby, etc. We flew through that security like old pros, scarfed down lunch, and successfully loaded everyone and everything on the plane. I would like to post some pictures of Savannah first flight, but alas my camera cord is at home. I'll have to do some photographic supplementation once we get home.

Micah did very well on the flight, but you could tell that sitting for that long was getting hard for him at the end. It got to the point where he would turn to me every 5 minutes and say, "We need to get up now." But I had lots of snacks, and books and toys that he had never seen before plus a brand new Clifford the Big Red Dog DVD. In fact everything was going swimmingly until we had landed, and were taxi-ing (how do you spell that word?!) to our gate. At that point we taxied (that form was easier) past the train that takes you between terminals and at the top of his lungs (I am not exaggerating) Micah shrieked, "A TRAIN! A TRAIN, MOMMY!" You would think the kid didn't grow up in a house 200 yards away from a train track with trains going past several times a day. I saw several people around us jump at Micah's little outburst. Everyone chuckled in the end, and thought it was very cute, but I sunk a little lower in my seat.

We found Nonna and Uncle Mack (Papa was a work) waiting for us at baggage claim. We loaded everyone in the two cars it now takes us to get everyone, our luggage, and our double stroller back to the house and listened to the dulcet tones of Savannah crying the entire way home (through traffic).

So that was our trip. Last night we went to Uncle Mack and Aunt Sassy's house for a wonderful dinner and even more wonderful chocolate sheet cake (seriously if no one had been around I would have eaten WAY more than I should have of that cake) with Great Grandpa McNees joining us. The kids stayed up way too late (11:00 pm our time), but it seems to have helped them adjust to west coast time a little faster. Today calls for some wedding present shopping for Ben's cousin's wedding we are going to tomorrow.

I think Savannah is crying, which means I basically don't have time to come up with a neat and witty way to end this post. Next time.

Happy, Happy "Birthday"

2010-08-11T16:53:00.004-05:00

Happy 6 month birthday, little girl!

We haven't had Savannah's 6 month well baby check-up yet, but here are some things about her at 6 months old:

She loves to sit up and can do it forever without falling over 99% of the time.

She doesn't know how to get down from sitting up, so once she is tired of it, she will cry until you pick her up.

Is starting to lift her hands up when she wants to be picked up.

She likes to put herself to sleep in her crib, and does NOT want to be rocked.

Everything that touches her hands goes in her mouth including her toes.

Loves to stand (with help of course).

Smiles a lot.

Thinks her brother is pretty entertaining and he is happy to oblige.

Eats 4 ounce bottles every three hours or so (on good days.)

Eats one to three meals of "solids" a day. Really likes apples (baby food version), pears, sweet potatoes, and will tolerate green beans but only if there is apple baby food mixed in.

Lights up when she sees Mommy or Daddy.

Cries at times when someone else looks at her or holds her, or when Mommy or Daddy walks away.

Take three different medications three times a day.

Will have heart surgery two weeks from tomorrow.

New Addition

2010-08-10T18:50:00.005-05:00

My friend, Nealy, who is a very talented photographer, blogger, chef, decorator . . .(wait is there anything she can't do?) called me this morning and asked if I could bring Savannah over for a quick photo shoot so that she could make a Praying for Savannah button for our blog. I think it turned out beautifully. Thank you so much Nealy! If you want to grab the button for your own blog, simply copy the html text below, and you can add it to your blog.

Check out Nealy's photography website here!

The Cure = Cute Pinkness

2010-08-09T21:47:00.002-05:00

Apparently the cure for my "allergy" to uploading my pictures on my computer is simply cute hair accessories. I took these hasty pictures tonight when we got home late after touring the hospital and the hair stuff I had ordered for Savannah was waiting in the mailbox. Ignore her outfit. Obviously it doesn't do the hair stuff justice, but I had just dressed her for bed. The next time you see these they will better compliment her outfit. Oh, they are so cute!!!!

Micah needed in on the fun.

In other news (that is not as cute) we got the surgery scheduled. It will be Thursday the 26th at 1:15 in the afternoon. We have our pre-op appointment with our cardiologist on Wednesday at 1:30 in the afternoon where they will answer all our questions, we will meet the surgeon, they will do all the labs they need to do, etc. I had a dream last night where I was at a hospital with her and I was frantically looking for Dr. Gremmels, our cardiologist, and I just knew if I could find him that everything would be okay. Obviously I am having some savior-complex feelings towards him, but he is the one caring the most for the health of Savannah right now, so I think that makes sense. If you want to see a picture of him, he is on the home webpage for Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. When the pictures scroll through, he is the one listening to a little kid's heart with his stethoscope.

We went on a pre-surgery tour at the hospital tonight. I wasn't going to go because I had to work, but then I decided this was more important, and you know what? All my clients agreed. I actually only had to reschedule two of them, and they were both 100% behind my decision to reschedule them. All of the other families there had older kids undergoing surgery. Their ages ranged from 2-8. It made Ben and I very grateful that we are not having to worry about emotionally preparing Savannah for surgery, or worry about her being scared before she goes in. She'll be hungry, but she won't be scared. So we sat through the explanation of stuff for the kids, which applied to us in no way. However, once they started the tour, the Child Life Specialist took us on our own tour to the cardiac floor and talked to us individually. That was really the most helpful part. We got to see where we will check-in, where she will be prepped for surgery, and where she will be after surgery. We also learned that Dr. Gremmels will be in on her surgery, which made me feel really good. Just feeling like we know someone who is going to be in there, and he knows us makes me feel better. He will be the one coming out to brief us and stuff as it is going on. They have a special PICU that is just for cardiac patients, and so we got to tour that. The rooms are really big, which is really nice and there is a place for both Ben and I to sleep if we choose to sleep there. (When we were in the NICU with Micah at 7 days old, we squeezed onto a twin sized bed together in his room. We didn't sleep great that night.)

So that is where we are at. A lot of people have been asking how they can help. I'll write a post about that tomorrow. At least I'll plan on it. You know . . . a baby, a toddler, being tired . . . we'll see.

Before and After

2010-08-09T09:14:00.001-05:00

Before

And After

(A big thanks to my mom for helping me make the panels. Without her attention to detail, they would not look as good as they do.)

News

2010-08-06T19:51:00.006-05:00

Well, it's happening.

In the next couple of weeks we will be checking into Children's Hospital where Savannah will have open heart surgery.

I feel tired, overwhelmed, sad, worried, and tired. Oh, wait I already said that one. I feel like the time spent waiting for the surgery to happen and anticipating it will be worse than actually getting everything under way.

I think about my little baby having a scar down the middle of her chest and it makes me feel so sad. But as Ben said, it is better than the alternative which would ultimately be heart failure.

Her heart continues to enlarge while the rest of her is not, which is not good. The doctor said we could wait a couple of weeks so we can still go to Seattle to see Ben's family next week, but that we can't wait more than a month. He doubled the doses of all her medicines in the meantime.

Once she has the surgery she will probably be in the hospital anywhere from 7 to 14 days. The average is 10. We have already had offers from my family and Ben's family to come and help with Micah during that time which is a huge weight off my shoulders. I know that for a week or more it is not realistic to not leave the hospital at some point, but the thought of leaving my baby there is hard. I guess we will just deal with it and make decisions as they come.

Please continue to pray. A miraculous healing that doesn't require surgery would be nice, but this seems to be the course that has been laid out for us. Pray for peace for us, health for Savannah as we wait for the surgery, and wisdom for the doctors as they treat her. The surgery nurse will be calling me on Monday to schedule the surgery so we will know more then. It will probably be the week of the 23rd.

I feel consumed by this. The nice thing about having a toddler is that he is a good distraction, but he is in bed now. I can't imagine treating my clients tomorrow, but I think that will actually be a good distraction too. Ben has to preach on Sunday. That might be hard also.

I just don't want anything to happen to her. She entered our family like she had always been here, and fills such a special role. Her big brother loves her and makes it his life mission to make her smile and make sure that she never touches or looks at any of his toys. (Things will get interesting between them once she can crawl and simply moving the toy doesn't work anymore.)

So any nurses out there and parents who have gone through a hospitalization with a baby, I would love any information on what to expect, and what is realistic as far as how we will function while she is there. You can always email me with your knowledge.

Thanks for everyone's support.

Super cute swimsuit. Super cute girl.

Look what a good sitter I am now!

Yeah, She's A Fan

2010-08-05T09:24:00.001-05:00

Her bib is very appropriate for what we need from her.

She has another cardiologist appointment tomorrow where they will do the full battery of tests to see how her heart is functioning. I'll let you know what happens.

Today

2010-08-03T15:21:00.005-05:00

Today I . . .

had therapy and learned some things about myself. I am so thankful for my wonderful therapist.
got to go shopping and bought Savannah a new toy for the plane ride for Seattle next week. I still need to buy Micah a new toy and some new books. It is helpful to have novelty on a plane ride with little ones.

had dessert.
will have more dessert at my MOPS Steering Team meeting tonight.
am loving my kids so much.
went grocery shopping and didn't use a single coupon (insert *gasp* here).
am calling about yet another refill on one of Savannah's prescriptions.
am thankful for air conditioning.
am (slightly) coveting a dress I saw in a little boutique I stopped in after therapy.
can't figure out how to erase this bullet, so am just adding one more point.

Oh, apparently you just hit enter again. Lesson learned.

I have more pictures to share including Savannah eating her first meal (almost a month ago), and I'm sure other cute kid pictures. That of course would require loading them on the computer and as you know I am allergic to that. I'll take a deep breath and do it soon. I promise.

In the meantime here is some summer fun.

Micah vs. Mozart

2010-07-27T14:09:00.001-05:00

While I was feeding Savannah her oatmeal, applesauce, and formula for lunch today, Micah was composing the following song in the piano:

I like gum.

No I can't like gum.

I'm only three (my note: he is NOT three).

I can't have gum.

I want gum.

All to a nice little tune.

You can see where his priorities lie.

Wrong Direction

2010-07-22T07:36:00.003-05:00

As you all know, paramount to Savannah's health is her ability to gain weight. She seems to be stuck in this feedback loop where she needs to gain weight to get better, but the fact that she is sick prevents her from growing as she should, but she can't get better to help her grow as she should when she is sick, and the loop goes on and on. I thought we had broken out of the loop in June when she started eating well, and was making some serious strides in her percentile. She had moved up from the 1st percentile to the 8th, and then onto the 14th.

This past Monday I had to take her in just to get a couple of vaccinations, and as is the custom they weighed her as well. A few minutes later I was meeting with the pediatrician, which was not part of the plan that morning. She is back down to the 8th percentile. For a healthy baby a little dip like that might not be a huge deal, but for her it is a really bad sign. The hardest part is that there are all sorts of reasons a baby might eat less than normal. A healthy baby might eat less than normal when they have some kind of bug (which she did two weeks ago), or is teething (which she is right now), or has reached the age where they are distracted by everything and don't want to focus long enough to eat a bottle (which she has).

Or . . . in Savannah's case it can mean a return to heart failure.

We go back to see the cardiologist in two weeks. I will be checking in with her pediatrician today over the phone. All we can really do is try to get her to eat, which is a battle that is draining me.

I am tired. I am tired of feeling anxious all day long every day as I watch her only drink 2 ounces of her bottle and then refuse the rest over and over and over again. I am tired of counting ounces and calories. I want to lay on the ground, kick my feet, and yell that this is not fair. Then I become overwhelmed with guilt for feeling this way, because I know people who have lost their baby, or who have had a baby way more sick then Savannah. All of this spirals and spirals. I guess Savannah and I are both caught in our own feedback loop. Postpartum depression sounds fun, huh?

I am very thankful for my therapist though. She is working with me to accept these feelings of anger, sadness, anxiety, and unfairness so that I can move through them instead of being stuck in the guilt. She also pointed out that Savannah's condition is invisible (if you have met Savannah, have you ever met a happier baby?) and chronic, which adds to the uncertainty and anxiety.

I am also very thankful for all of my friends and family who have supported me by watching my kids over the past month. It has made a huge impact on my mental state, and I could not say thank you to all of them enough.

I wish Savannah could talk. I wish she could just tell me why she doesn't want to eat. However, even if she could talk, she might not be able to tell me. For instance, Micah still doesn't really understand the question "why?" If I ask him to tell me why, he replies, "Well, why? Well, why?" I think that he thinks I am asking him to say the word "why." He has recently learned that often times the appropriate response to the question why is to say the word "because" and then add some other stuff. I find this hilarious though because he pronounces it "cabuz." Here is a typical conversation:

Me: Micah, why don't you want to eat your dinner?

Micah: Well, why, well why?

Me: No, Micah I want to know why you don't want to eat it? Are you not hungry?

Micah: I not eat it cabuz I not eat it.

At that point I usually just give up. He doesn't really understand yet why I am asking him, that that cabuz is absolutely precious.

Another thing that is precious is that Micah has started giving his stuffed bear (which is bigger than Savannah is right now) medicine to help his heart. And I recently learned that my niece, Aubrey, prays for Na-na's heart every day without being asked or reminded to.

I know that we have a huge amount of prayer being lifted up for us and Savannah, which I am so thankful for. Speaking of Savannah, I think someone needs to go down for a nap. I wish I could nap at 8:00 in the morning :-)

No Matter What

2010-07-21T08:41:00.002-05:00

No matter what you do, if the TV is on in the room, Savannah will do what is necessary to see it.

Sitting Pretty

2010-07-16T22:35:00.000-05:00

A, B, C's

2010-07-15T16:33:00.002-05:00

Now Micah really does know his A, B, C's, but since he is such a goof-ball, it is hard to capture on video. If you saw some home movies of me when I was little, you would not have to wonder where he gets this ham for the camera trait. This is actually the best video out of three. He was extra silly in the other ones.

And it's no wonder he mentioned medicine. We sure take enough of it around here.

Oh, and that is my Mom's voice on the camera. She is the one taking the video. And if you hear rattling in the background, that is Savannah in her exersaucer.

Savannah's Dedication

2010-07-09T07:00:00.000-05:00

We had Savannah dedicated at our church on Father's Day this year. Micah was pretty excited to be able to be in the service for the singing part. That is until the music started and he declared it was too loud. (Apparently he and some of the older people at church share that opinion.) I was wearing pretty high heels, and had wondered if I was going to make it through the entire worship portion of the service without some pain. Well, holding a 30-something pound toddler who did not want to go to anyone else certainly decided that question for me. We made it through the first two songs, but had to sit through the last two. Micah did a great job though up on stage with just one quick visit to Grandpa and Grandma in the second row. However, when the congregation kind of chuckled at that, his head whipped up, he looked around, and raced back up on stage. You always have to have the toddler that entertains everyone with their antics, and he fit the bill.

Savannah's dedication really meant a lot to me. As Pastor Jerry prayed and thanked God for all he had planned for her future, I started to tear up. I will be forever thankful that she has a future, and don't want to ever take that for granted. On a very different note, notice my really cute shoes? They were a birthday present from Ben, Micah, and Savannah. Okay, I really picked them out and then called Ben and let him know I was buying them as my present. He didn't mind in the least.

Savannah got to wear a very cute dress from Janie and Jack that I bought her before she was born. She is so tiny, I was scared it wasn't going to fit, but when I tried it on her that morning it did not look ridiculously big. In fact, it looked great.

The verse we chose for Savannah's dedication as her life verse is Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

We are eternally thankful for Savannah Hope Gores.

More on what we are doing with that verse for her in a later post.

Sometimes You Pick Your Battles

2010-07-07T19:40:00.001-05:00

New Skills (Sort of)

2010-07-04T16:16:00.001-05:00

Micah is into doing all sorts of things for himself. He tried to dress himself the other morning. Well, Micah, almost.

Getting Help

2010-06-30T17:26:00.006-05:00

First I want to say that I write this post in no way to garner sympathy or pity or constant questions of "How are youuuuuu?" said in a really concerned voice. I write this post because if people don't talk about it, then everyone thinks they are alone and that is not helpful in the least.

I had a midwife appointment Wednesday. What? A midwife appointment? Are you pregnant already? No! No! Thank God, no! I do, however, have postpartum depression.

I'm not even really sure how to write this post. I want to be honest about my experience, and to normalize the situation for others that may have, are, or will be dealing with this. When I think how I want to start and what I want to say, there is a little bit of a jumble. So bear (bare?) with me while I flesh this out. Let's think out loud together.

Looking back I can see it starting to develop around the beginning of June, but it didn't really get severe enough for me to really, really notice until last week. I haven't really been sad or anything, which I think is what caused me to not pick up on it for almost a month. However, for the past month I have been very irritable, quick to anger, SO tired (even though I am getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night in a row), having trouble enjoying things, and generally not feeling like myself. This has made myself and everyone I live with pretty miserable.

I am so thankful that I went and spoke with my midwife. She confirmed my suspicions that this was postpartum depression. She listened and validated my feelings. She gave me a recommendation for a psychologist who specializes in working with postpartum depression (who I am seeing next week), and she wrote me a prescription. Honestly, I have only been on the medication for two days and I can already tell a huge difference. Now this is a med that needs time to build up in your system, so this may be a placebo affect but I don't even care. I have been feeling so out of control of my emotions over the past month. Little, stupid things would set me off and I was not making it through the day without some major yelling at Micah, which has not been good for either one of us. Well, today I felt in control of my emotions and it felt so good. I still felt frustrated, angry, and impatient at times, but I never felt like I wanted to or needed to yell. Plus Micah and I had fun and laughed together which I have not been able to do for a few weeks now.

It is really important to remember that postpartum depression can occur anytime during the first year after giving birth. If you are in that time frame and start to feel not like yourself, I recommend googling postpartum depression symptoms, and calling your doctor or midwife.

So here is what I do not want to have happen. Please don't ask me how I'm doing in a really concerned voice every time you see me. One of the reasons I thought about not telling most people is because I really get tired of talking about it. It is not all that I am and it is not all that I'm dealing with. Let's just assume that I will have good days and bad days, but the bad days should get fewer and fewer now that we are finally treating this. I am trying to be good about asking for help, so I may ask some of you to take Micah or both of them every once in a while. That would probably be the most helpful thing right now.

So there you have it. If you have questions or anything, I am not opposed to talking about it. I just don't want it to dominate my life anymore than it already does. I would much rather talk about when I'm going to finally be able to see Eclipse. I mean, let's get our priorities straight here :-)

No News is Good News

2010-06-30T16:41:00.005-05:00

Savannah had her follow up appointment with her cardiologist today. The verdict? Well, the verdict is kind of no news is good news.

They did a chest x-ray to see the overall size of her heart in her chest cavity. The result of that x-ray combined with her good weight gain has made the doctor come to the conclusion that we can give this another month to see how she does given the chance to continue to grow.

He was very pleased with her progress, but made it very clear that surgery is very much still on the table. In fact, until her VSD (the hole) goes away on its own or she has surgery, it will remain on the table for her. He says the mitral valve prolapse sounds smaller, but it is not gone. It is just being controlled better by the medication. Now that we know she can have this kind of reaction to the VSD, it can happen at any time. The smaller the hole gets, the less likely it is that it will happen, but she still runs that risk.

So she remains on her medication with a slight increase in the diuretic due to her increase in size. We go back on August 6th, and at that date they will definitely do an ECHO to measure the actual size of the hole.

Thank you all for your prayers, and please keep them up. She is doing well, but is not out of the woods yet.

How am I doing? Overall I am not doing great (stay tuned for a different post on that issue), but in this area I feel a great deal of peace. I still fret over how many ounces she is drinking, and I just don't know if that is going to go away since that is the main symptom of her not doing well, and she likes to throw "bad" eating days into the mix for me. But I feel a peace that no matter what happens, God is in control.

Oh yeah, and her foot found her mouth today. Another cute, new milestone reached.

Like her cute "bracelet?" She's already into accessories. A girl after my own heart.

Good Thing He's Not Allergic to Peanuts

2010-06-27T15:24:00.001-05:00

That's What I Like to Hear

2010-06-25T18:29:00.004-05:00

This morning I picked Micah up and realized he was in a position that looked very familiar. For the moment he looked just like Leonardo DiCaprio in the movie Titanic when he is standing on the very front of the ship with Rose and he yells, "I'm king of the world!"

So I said to Micah, "Micah, say, 'I'm king of the world!'"

He happily complied, and then added, "Just like Jesus!" in a very excited voice.

That had to be from Sunday School because although we talk about God and Jesus a lot, I don't think I have ever used the word King to describe him to Micah yet.

It made me smile to think that things are sinking in and that he is absorbing that knowledge.

Another thing he has been saying a lot lately is the question, "What does it smell taste like?" He asks it for any food product he sees as well as random non-food products. It is fun to watch him learn the English language, and this is just an example of him not quite knowing how to ask the question correctly. But he does know that smell and taste often go together.

At least he hasn't asked what Jesus smells tastes like yet.

Sidenote: Doesn't he look so grown up in this picture?! He wanted a picture of his new swimsuit.

31

2010-06-24T22:17:00.003-05:00

I turned 31 this week. Ben asked if I minded turning 31. I told him that I didn't care at all. I just didn't want to be 85. When he asked why, I replied that often times people start having major health problems around 85.

Ben's reply?

"Or you could just be dead."

Yes, thanks for that. Happy Birthday to me.

But it really was a nice birthday. I told Ben a week ago that I was concerned that my birthday was going to get lost in the shuffle. I feel like this whole month has been about doctor appointments, giving out medication, and meticulously tracking feedings. In spite of it creeping up on us, I did get to really celebrate this year.

It started on Thursday when I hired a babysitter to watch Micah so I could go out to lunch with my good friend, Megan, whose birthday is just two days before mine. We lunched with Savannah and her son, Mason, who is 6 weeks younger than Savannah. They both did beautifully, and we were very well behaved too.

Then my parents arrived Saturday night, and I almost immediately opened my birthday presents, because once I knew they were in the house I didn't want to have to wait.

Sunday we dedicated Savannah at church. Micah got to stay in church for the singing part and was up on stage with us for the dedication. Besides a quick trip off the stage to visit Grandpa and Grandma in the second row, he did an amazing job. I think that her dedication hit me more emotionally than Micah's did because of the heart thing and all the uncertainty surrounding it. When Pastor Jerry prayed about all the things that God has planned for Savannah's life, I found myself tearing up thinking about her future. I will be forever thankful to God and modern medicine that she has a future.

Monday evening Ben and I got to go out to dinner and a movie while Grandma and Grandpa watched the kids. It was really nice to be able to do both. Usually paying a babysitter makes paying for a dinner and a movie not an option.

Then on my actual birthday, which was Tuesday, my parents left after lunch. I was home in the afternoon with the kiddos and once Ben got home from work I was out of there. I spent the evening at the mall . . . ALONE. I bought a couple of things with my birthday money, and just enjoyed the ability to browse stores without cries of protest.

In just two weeks is our 9 year wedding anniversary. I already have a sitter for Micah, and now my goal is to find someone to watch Savannah. Two completely kids free nights in a few short weeks? Pinch me I might be dreaming.

And because this post would not be complete without some kind of picture, here is Savannah using her exersaucer for the first time. Do you like Micah's pajamas? Obviously I need to do laundry.

Apparently We're Not Just "Buttering" Our Bread

2010-06-18T16:33:00.004-05:00

Okay, so we haven't been giving Savannah butter, but she had her 4 month well baby check-up today and . . .

She has gained 10 ounces in 10 days!

That is amazing for her since her past weight gain amounted to about 0.25 ounces a week, and had even slowed from there.

As the doctor said it is impossible to know what specifically is helping we she started on 4 medications, and high calories formula with a little rice cereal all at once. But whatever it is (Thank you, Jesus!) we know it is working.

So her stats are:

Weight: 11 pounds 4 onces - 8th percentile (up from 1st percentile 10 days ago)

Height: 24.5 inches - 52nd percentile

Head: 16 inches - don't remember, but it is written downstairs and I don't want to leave my room because I am getting my 20 minutes of quiet time after Ben took his 20 minutes of quiet time, and I will update it later percentile.

She is right on track and even a little ahead of the game developmentally, which is really good news due to her heart issues.

Also apparently 10 days ago (the doctor failed to mention this then) her heart failure had gotten bad enough that her liver was enlarged and so was her spleen. Her liver is back to normal size, and the doctor can't even really feel her spleen anymore, which shows that her heart is functioning better. The doctor also said that 10 days ago her regurg (as she called it) from her left atrium was so loud it masked the murmur. It is now much quieter, which is also good news!

We are so thankful for everyone's prayers and support.

However . . . since apparently I need something to worry about, since we switched her back to regular formula this morning (at the docs orders) she has not been eating well. I swear she likes the taste of that high cal formula better. She also got two vaccines today, but she started off the morning eating poorly, so I don't think it is related to that. If she is still eating like this tomorrow, we'll call the doctor and find out what to do. So you can keep praying that she keeps gaining weight, the medications continue to work, and complete healing would be nice too.

In other news, I am getting to go on a girls night tonight while Ben plays softball, so no being home all alone with the kiddos on a Friday night! Savannah is coming, but she is a girl so I guess technically it is okay. Delicious desserts here I come!

Slap Some Butter on the Bread!

2010-06-17T20:44:00.003-05:00

Monday night (while I was at work) Ben left Micah alone downstairs while he gave Savannah a bath. Kind of a rooky mistake in my boat, but I do have to admit that I fall for it sometimes too. I think, "This time Micah will be able to play nicely by himself." Often times he does do okay, and that is what lulls you into complacency.

That is how he gets you.

Well, when Ben got back downstairs he found this:

Micah had gotten a stick of butter out of the fridge that was already partly unwrapped. He proceeded to butter his wooden (yes, I said wooden) toy bread from his cutting food kit. Apparently he was pretty proud of himself. Ben was not so proud.

How did I find out about this story? I got home from work, took my shoes off, walked into the kitchen and said, "What is so slippery in here?"

Although Ben had cleaned it up and given Micah a bath because he was covered in butter, butter is a tricky thing, and he had missed a couple of spots. You can't see the thin coat of butter at all and it took another whole day to find all those spots and eradicate them.

At least he buttered the appropriate food. I guess it could have been worse. He could have tried to butter his wooden watermelon.

Monkey!

2010-06-16T20:45:00.005-05:00

One of the best things about living so close to the Mall of America is Toddler Tuesday. Super cheap rides, free food, oh yeah, and there is always some "event" for toddlers that we never go to. However, many weeks ago, I just happened to look at the website Monday night and saw that the special guest the next day was going to be Curious George. Now Micah LOVES Curious George (who he refers to as Monkey), and I just knew we had to do it.

The next morning I packed us up, packed the double stroller, and made it out the door in just enough time to make it there for his final appearance.

Boy, I was not prepared for what was to come. Well, actually I was physically prepared seeing as I had packed a bunch of snacks, and had brought the stroller I could strap Micah into, but I was definitely not mentally prepared. For those of you familiar with the Mall of America, George was going to be in the Best Buy Rotunda. When we got in line, we were even with Old Navy. For those of you not familiar, that means we were about 1/8 of a mile away from where George was going to be.

Forty-two minutes later . . .

Yes, we waited in line to see Curious George for 42 minutes. Micah actually did amazingly well. I kept the snacks flowing, and things only got dicey during the last 15 minutes when he could see George, and didn't understand why he couldn't just run right over. The look of awe on his face when it was finally our turn was totally worth the wait. Savannah got a little upset about being in her car seat for so long, but as you will see below, I had planned a head for that, and all was saved.

Apparently Curious George enjoys the surfer culture. Who knew?

Little Townhouse on the Prairie

I've Moved

BabyBlog Names

Squawking

Two of a Kind

Belated

That's The Book for Me

Still Here

Church Planting - Sunny San Diego to Sunny Phoenix

Church Planting - The Assessment Center That Wasn't

Sneak Peak

Success!

Church Planting - The Prologue to Life180

Phoenix

phoe·nix

This Is How We Roll, Yo!

The View From Here

Valentine's Day and Knockers

One! Uno! Eins!

I Am That Mom

Somebody Get Me A Time Machine!

Resolute: February

Who's The Boss?

How Fun is This!

Birthdays on the Brain

Christmas Monkey

Sanitation

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, How Late is this Blog Post

11 Months

An Expert in the Field

Cabin Fever Can Be Expensive

Resolute

Mac is Back

Home Sweet Home

I Never Expected This

My Christmas Gift to You

Snow, Snow . . .

These Are A Few of My Favorite Things

A Million Excuses

A Little Less Icky

Writer's Block

Literary Little Ones

Thankful

Who is Your Bath Time Buddy?

H&M Cutie

Look At Me!!

Healing Nicely

Turkey Stuffing Time

Enough!

When It's Dark Out

Halloween?

Love

This Is What Happens . . .

Arthur

Halloween

Family Walk

Getting Chubbier

Windy Day

Too Cute

Micah

Party Time!!!

Fun At Home

I Guess All It Took Was The Right Motivation

Ahhh, Parenthood

Coming Soon to a Store Near You!

Grandma's Visit

MXG

No Cord Needed

Biting the Bullet

It Is Really Not My Fault

I Just Don't Know

No Place Like It

Right Direction, But Long Road

Rest

Excuse Me, Do You Provide Early Check-In?

13.1 Miles

Savannah Banana or Sweetie Peetie as Ben Likes to Call Her

Home Sweet Home

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Happy, Happy "Birthday"